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Bullion.Forum
Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
- Start date
Help Support Prospecting Australia:
Some jokes for Star Wars fans:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Metaphors.
Metaphors who?
Metaphors be with you
What happens if you celebrate Star Wars Day too hard?
Watch out for the revenge of the fifth.
Did you hear about the girl who is still single on Star Wars Day?
Apparently, she's been looking for love in Alderaan places.
How to trigger a Star Wars fan on May 4th?
Go Fourth and Prosper!
What do you call a bubble tea party on Star Wars Day?
A Boba Fete.
Did you hear that KFC will be celebrating Star Wars Day on May 4th with an Anakin special?
It's an extra crispy with no legs and only one wing.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Metaphors.
Metaphors who?
Metaphors be with you
What happens if you celebrate Star Wars Day too hard?
Watch out for the revenge of the fifth.
Did you hear about the girl who is still single on Star Wars Day?
Apparently, she's been looking for love in Alderaan places.
How to trigger a Star Wars fan on May 4th?
Go Fourth and Prosper!
What do you call a bubble tea party on Star Wars Day?
A Boba Fete.
Did you hear that KFC will be celebrating Star Wars Day on May 4th with an Anakin special?
It's an extra crispy with no legs and only one wing.
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2013
- Messages
- 207
- Reaction score
- 474
Fwdoz now you have made me feel old.............Never see a star war film.
A radio station in Australia ran a phone in competition to find the most embarrassing moment in listeners lives. The final four were:
4th Place:
While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amok. I was able to grab hold of her arm after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening. "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy last night."
After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped doing what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.
3rd Place:
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
As we lay down in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a pigggy back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss a call we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled SURPRISE.
My entire family - Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed an eternity. Since then no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
2nd Place:
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout she learned that one of the items had no price tag or bar code.
The checkout girl got on the public address system which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear. "Price check for Tampax super size."
But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'thumbtacks' and replied in a businesslike tone, his voice booming over the same public address system. "Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or the kind that you belt in with a hammer."
1st Place:
And the winner is......
This happened at a major Australian University during a biology lecture.
A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked. "If I understand you correctly, you are saying that there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?"
The professor responded yes adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again the girl asked. "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books and without another word walked out of the class.
However as she was heading for the door the professors reply was a classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because the tastebuds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not at the back of your throat."
.
4th Place:
While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amok. I was able to grab hold of her arm after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening. "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy last night."
After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped doing what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.
3rd Place:
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
As we lay down in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a pigggy back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss a call we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled SURPRISE.
My entire family - Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed an eternity. Since then no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
2nd Place:
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout she learned that one of the items had no price tag or bar code.
The checkout girl got on the public address system which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear. "Price check for Tampax super size."
But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'thumbtacks' and replied in a businesslike tone, his voice booming over the same public address system. "Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or the kind that you belt in with a hammer."
1st Place:
And the winner is......
This happened at a major Australian University during a biology lecture.
A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked. "If I understand you correctly, you are saying that there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?"
The professor responded yes adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again the girl asked. "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books and without another word walked out of the class.
However as she was heading for the door the professors reply was a classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet because the tastebuds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not at the back of your throat."
.
FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH
His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Po Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh
His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Po Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh
LAWS THAT ISAAC NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US About.
Maybe because these things don't always happen but very probable.
1. LAW OF BREAD:
When the buttered slice of bread falls it always falls on the buttered side.
2. LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queue, the one you just left starts to move faster than the one you are in now.
3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch.
4. LAW OF THE TOOLS:
Any tool, when dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner.
5. BATH THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
6. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
7. LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
8. LAW OF BIOMECHANICAL:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
9. LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
10. LAW OF EXAM:
A book will remain in state of rest or covered in dust until exams time.
11. LAW OF SLEEP:
The nap becomes enjoyable when the alarm sounds.
12. LAW OF CHEAPER THINGS
You always get the cheaper things once you have bought the expensive one.
13. LAW OF MUDDY CONSTRUCTION BOOTS
The time it takes for mud on your boots to dry and start falling off is directed proportional to the time it takes to get home and walk through the front door.
Maybe because these things don't always happen but very probable.
1. LAW OF BREAD:
When the buttered slice of bread falls it always falls on the buttered side.
2. LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queue, the one you just left starts to move faster than the one you are in now.
3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch.
4. LAW OF THE TOOLS:
Any tool, when dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner.
5. BATH THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
6. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
7. LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
8. LAW OF BIOMECHANICAL:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
9. LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
10. LAW OF EXAM:
A book will remain in state of rest or covered in dust until exams time.
11. LAW OF SLEEP:
The nap becomes enjoyable when the alarm sounds.
12. LAW OF CHEAPER THINGS
You always get the cheaper things once you have bought the expensive one.
13. LAW OF MUDDY CONSTRUCTION BOOTS
The time it takes for mud on your boots to dry and start falling off is directed proportional to the time it takes to get home and walk through the front door.
Of course I talk to myself........... sometimes I need expert advise....
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2020
- Messages
- 144
- Reaction score
- 237
that the first sign of madness the second is looking for hair on the palm of your handOf course I talk to myself........... sometimes I need expert advise....
And the third is finding it!
Laughing to loudly in Hawaii is illegal.
Your only allowed a lo ha.
Your only allowed a lo ha.
Goldtarget
(AKA OldGT)
I got a vasectomy because I didn't want kids.
But when I got home, they were still there.
But when I got home, they were still there.
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