Jokes

[Nightjar]

A father passing by his son's bedroom
Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Josh
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home

 

[Nightjar]

 

[Nightjar]

 

[sand surfer]

 

[Nightjar]

 

[kiwifred]

 

[Nightjar]

 

[kiwifred]

 

[mond]

why are constipated people laid back
they dont give a ****

 

[fwdoz]

Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism. Its a light sentence but gives time to reflect.

 

[Nightjar]

 

[fwdoz]

The chronological progression of our education system:

Teaching Maths from the 1950s to Today

1. Teaching Maths in the 1950s ...
A forester sells a lorryload of timber for $100
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit? $____

2 Teaching Maths in the 1970s ...
A forester sells a lorryload of timber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit? $___

3 Teaching Maths in the 1990s ...
A forester sells a lorryload of timber for $100.
His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit? __Yes or __No

4. Teaching Maths in the 2000s ...
A forester sells a lorryload of timber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths in the 2010s ...
A forester cuts down a beautiful forest he planted in 1960 because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and koala s feel as the logger cut down their homes?

6. Teaching Math's in the 2020s ...
Math's is a racist subject.
Students no longer need any math's skills to go to University.
2+2 = 4, or 22, or what ever you feel is correct for you.
There are no wrong answers, feel free to express your feelings e.g., anger, anxiety, inadequacy, helplessness etc.
Should you require debriefing at the conclusion of the exam there are Counsellors available to assist you.

 

[Mackka]

True that!!!!!

 

[RichardWest]

I guess that Australian schools would be like this too. We never had $ in the 1950's.

 

[fwdoz]

Baby and the photographer	Permalink Reply Quote ​
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." 'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith. "In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?" "It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long." Mrs. Smith fainted.

 

[Nightjar]

 

[fwdoz]

A drunken, totally naked, woman jumped into a taxi. The Indian driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.


"What's wrong with you, haven't you ever seen a nude woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..."

"Well, if you're not bloody staring at me, what are you doing then?"


"Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself
where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me?!"

 

[Dave's Office]

The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks: "can I stay here for a few days?" The man says:" Sure you can" and closes the door.

 

[fwdoz]

Keeping with Dave's theme from above:


What is the definition of kindness?

Offering your mother-in-law a chair & not plugging it into the power socket

 

[Nightjar]