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Bullion.Forum
Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
- Start date
Help Support Prospecting Australia:
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.
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The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
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My mate has been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. He said that he only intended to rough him up a bit.
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I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed
Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.
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Return of the Jedi....
Is not possible, without the Receipt of the Jedi.
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News headline of the week:
"Anti-masker Drowns Trying Out SCUBA Diving"
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Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.
We're a cover band.
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Went to a séance in a probiotic yoghurt factory last night.
Scared the life out of me. Last time I dabble with the Yakult.
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I just saw on the news that a man has discovered how to do origami backwards!
More on this story as it unfolds...
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Monday – Ian
Tuesday – Greg
Wednesday – Ian
Thursday – Greg
Friday – Ian
Saturday – Greg
Sunday – Ian
The Gregorian Calendar
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A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks if there is any luggage.
No, replies the photon, I'm travelling light.
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Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My mate has been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. He said that he only intended to rough him up a bit.
-------------------------------------------------------
I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed
Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Return of the Jedi....
Is not possible, without the Receipt of the Jedi.
----------------------------------------------------------
News headline of the week:
"Anti-masker Drowns Trying Out SCUBA Diving"
---------------------------------------------------------
Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.
We're a cover band.
-------------------------------------------------
Went to a séance in a probiotic yoghurt factory last night.
Scared the life out of me. Last time I dabble with the Yakult.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I just saw on the news that a man has discovered how to do origami backwards!
More on this story as it unfolds...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Monday – Ian
Tuesday – Greg
Wednesday – Ian
Thursday – Greg
Friday – Ian
Saturday – Greg
Sunday – Ian
The Gregorian Calendar
------------------------------------------------------------------
A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks if there is any luggage.
No, replies the photon, I'm travelling light.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I have met all those blokes in my time mate as I am sure you have as well.
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one old man.
The game warden asked him how he did it.
The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water.
After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water.
The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden became irate and started yelling how illegal this was.
Quite some time passed as the warden explained all the charges the old man could face.
Finally the warden asked if he had anything to say for himself.
The old man calmly took out another stick of dynamite and lit it.
He then handed it to the game warden and said Are you gonna sit there talking all day, or are you gonna fish
The game warden asked him how he did it.
The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water.
After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water.
The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden became irate and started yelling how illegal this was.
Quite some time passed as the warden explained all the charges the old man could face.
Finally the warden asked if he had anything to say for himself.
The old man calmly took out another stick of dynamite and lit it.
He then handed it to the game warden and said Are you gonna sit there talking all day, or are you gonna fish
user 14190
Too old to care anyway.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2018
- Messages
- 837
- Reaction score
- 3,625
Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the local IGA supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two scantily clad young women come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen in skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen December 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On January 1st, 4th, 8th, 13th, 18th, 20th and 23rd and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for $1.99 each but Facebook Marketplace has freebies
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two scantily clad young women come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen in skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another supermarket.
You agree and they both get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen December 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. On January 1st, 4th, 8th, 13th, 18th, 20th and 23rd and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for $1.99 each but Facebook Marketplace has freebies
I’m off to the shops. See ya.
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