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Bullion.Forum
Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
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I was in a pub with a mate, minding our own business when this group of rednecks started mouthing off at us.
My mate said "just pretend we are the police & they will leave us alone".
I did not even get through the first verse of Roxanne before they beat the crap out of us.
My mate said "just pretend we are the police & they will leave us alone".
I did not even get through the first verse of Roxanne before they beat the crap out of us.
Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Geoff the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.
Geoff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator.
Geoff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, "Wow, he's one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button ... Va-voom."
The third man married a school teacher.
Geoff showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid."
At 5:30 the following morning, Geoff reported to work. He expected the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn't call until much later in the day.
The phone rang at 6:00 a.m. and it was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. Geoff took breakfast up to the room and when the husband opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man's pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
"Sir, what happened?" asked Geoff. "You married a nurse."
"Son, don't ever marry a nurse," the man sourly replied. "All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary'."
The phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. and this time it was the telephone operator's husband calling for breakfast. Geoff took it to the room as quickly as possible. When the man opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man's hair was neatly combed and his pyjamas nicely pressed.
"What happened?" Geoff asked with surprise. "Telephone operators as supposed to be as sexy as their voices."
"Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator," the man groaned. "All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Geoff returned to his desk, sure that the teacher's husband would be calling at any moment.
Finally, at 4:00 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
Geoff couldn't believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple's room. When the man opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man was wearing only a pair of boxers, his hair was a mess, and there were scratches all over his chest, arms and legs.
"My goodness sir, what happened to you?" Geoff asked, fearing the worst. "Did you have a fight?"
The man, grinning from ear to ear, happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry be sure it's to a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy, smooth voice saying, 'We're going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right'."
The first man married a nurse.
Geoff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator.
Geoff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, "Wow, he's one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button ... Va-voom."
The third man married a school teacher.
Geoff showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid."
At 5:30 the following morning, Geoff reported to work. He expected the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn't call until much later in the day.
The phone rang at 6:00 a.m. and it was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. Geoff took breakfast up to the room and when the husband opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man's pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
"Sir, what happened?" asked Geoff. "You married a nurse."
"Son, don't ever marry a nurse," the man sourly replied. "All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary'."
The phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. and this time it was the telephone operator's husband calling for breakfast. Geoff took it to the room as quickly as possible. When the man opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man's hair was neatly combed and his pyjamas nicely pressed.
"What happened?" Geoff asked with surprise. "Telephone operators as supposed to be as sexy as their voices."
"Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator," the man groaned. "All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Geoff returned to his desk, sure that the teacher's husband would be calling at any moment.
Finally, at 4:00 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
Geoff couldn't believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple's room. When the man opened the door, Geoff stepped back in shock. The man was wearing only a pair of boxers, his hair was a mess, and there were scratches all over his chest, arms and legs.
"My goodness sir, what happened to you?" Geoff asked, fearing the worst. "Did you have a fight?"
The man, grinning from ear to ear, happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry be sure it's to a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy, smooth voice saying, 'We're going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right'."
:lol: :lol: :lol: :Y:
A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney..
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother & asked:
'If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant
So the little guy walks up to the galley & asks the flight attendant:' If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded: "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said: "Yes, she did."
"Well, then..... please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time....... & ask her to explain that to you."!
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother & asked:
'If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant
So the little guy walks up to the galley & asks the flight attendant:' If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded: "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said: "Yes, she did."
"Well, then..... please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time....... & ask her to explain that to you."!
Ha, ha ha ha ha !!!!!! Good one - Told the Mrs. and got great laugh. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
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Good one OzzieAu :lol: 
erfect:
erfect:
Novak will be the next English Ashes Captain, garbage with the bat but it will take Australia two weeks to get him out. :lol:
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Manpa said:
He's the 1st world professional sportsman to be kicked out of competition for not taking drugs :lol:
Had your 3 vacs mate?
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Jaros said:
:| who me?
Funny, except it's a Flock of Owls (like for most birds bird) and a Troop of Babboons, Kangaroos etc..........however I think they should come in squadrons.
Most folk who think to use such collectives form a "Gaggle of Gullibles".
Most folk who think to use such collectives form a "Gaggle of Gullibles".
Gotta luv the English language hey?
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