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Bullion.Forum
Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
- Start date
Help Support Prospecting Australia:
Could have been worn rubbers.
StoneTheCrows
Neil Mulvaney
Dave went to the doctor and told him he had a sore backside
Dr has a look and tells Dave "you got a hundred dollar note stuck up there"
He removes it and asks Dave how he feels
Dave says still the same
Dr has another look and sure enough another hundred dollars up there
Pulls it out and checks again
Another one, so he keeps pulling hundred dollar notes out of Dave's bum.
In the end he pulled out nineteen hundred dollars
Dave says " I hoped that was all cause I wasn't felling two grand"
Dr has a look and tells Dave "you got a hundred dollar note stuck up there"
He removes it and asks Dave how he feels
Dave says still the same
Dr has another look and sure enough another hundred dollars up there
Pulls it out and checks again
Another one, so he keeps pulling hundred dollar notes out of Dave's bum.
In the end he pulled out nineteen hundred dollars
Dave says " I hoped that was all cause I wasn't felling two grand"
Chiron52
Dave
A young child wrote to Santa Clause ..
DEER SANTA,
i AM RiTTING THiS ON THE DAY AFTER XMAS AND i AM VERY SAD. i ONLY RECEEVED 1 OF THE 2 PRESENTS i ASKED FOR.
SENSE YOU ATE MY COOKYS i WiLL ASOOM THAT MY MiSSiNG GiFT WUZ A MiSS TAKE. i WiLL GIVE YOU 1 WEEK TO FiX THiS.
JEREMY
Santa replied to the lad
Dear Jeremy,
I am sorry you are disappointed with your presents. You asked for 2 very expensive presents and Santa can only do so much. You need to be grateful for what you have, not upset about what you dont. If you continue to complain I will have no choice but to add you to the naughty list next year.
Santa
Shortly after Santa received another letter from Jeremy ..
DEER FATTY,
YOUR THREATS DONT SCARE ME. i PLAYED YOUR GAME AND YOU DiD NOT DELiVER. THiS iS NOT OK. i WILL GiVE YOU 1 MORE WEEK AND THEN YOU WiLL PAY.
JEREMY
P.S. i DONT KNOW WHY YOU CARE THAT iT iS EXPENSiVE WHEN YOU HAVE ELF SLAVES TO MAKE THiNGS FOR YOU. i THiNK YOU ARE NAUGHTY FOR HAViNG SLAVES.
Santa replied
Dear Jeremy,
You are being a very bad little boy. Because you cannot be happy with what you have, I have talked to your parents and told them to take away your new PlayStation. Now you have nothing. Once you learn to be grateful, perhaps you can have it back. I am very disappointed in you, Jeremy. You will need to be an extra good boy this coming year if you want to make it back on the nice list.
Santa
Jeremy replied ..
DEER SANTA,
i DO NOT LiKE THAT STUNT YOU PULLED WiTH MY PARENTS. YOU ARE ON MY NAUGHTY LiST NOW. BE AFRAiD. YOU LOOK SLOW AND EASY TO KiLL. ENJOY YOUR COOKYS NEXT YEAR BECAUSE THEY WiLL BE POiSON.
i HOPE YOU WiLL DiE.
JEREMY
DEER SANTA,
i AM RiTTING THiS ON THE DAY AFTER XMAS AND i AM VERY SAD. i ONLY RECEEVED 1 OF THE 2 PRESENTS i ASKED FOR.
SENSE YOU ATE MY COOKYS i WiLL ASOOM THAT MY MiSSiNG GiFT WUZ A MiSS TAKE. i WiLL GIVE YOU 1 WEEK TO FiX THiS.
JEREMY
Santa replied to the lad
Dear Jeremy,
I am sorry you are disappointed with your presents. You asked for 2 very expensive presents and Santa can only do so much. You need to be grateful for what you have, not upset about what you dont. If you continue to complain I will have no choice but to add you to the naughty list next year.
Santa
Shortly after Santa received another letter from Jeremy ..
DEER FATTY,
YOUR THREATS DONT SCARE ME. i PLAYED YOUR GAME AND YOU DiD NOT DELiVER. THiS iS NOT OK. i WILL GiVE YOU 1 MORE WEEK AND THEN YOU WiLL PAY.
JEREMY
P.S. i DONT KNOW WHY YOU CARE THAT iT iS EXPENSiVE WHEN YOU HAVE ELF SLAVES TO MAKE THiNGS FOR YOU. i THiNK YOU ARE NAUGHTY FOR HAViNG SLAVES.
Santa replied
Dear Jeremy,
You are being a very bad little boy. Because you cannot be happy with what you have, I have talked to your parents and told them to take away your new PlayStation. Now you have nothing. Once you learn to be grateful, perhaps you can have it back. I am very disappointed in you, Jeremy. You will need to be an extra good boy this coming year if you want to make it back on the nice list.
Santa
Jeremy replied ..
DEER SANTA,
i DO NOT LiKE THAT STUNT YOU PULLED WiTH MY PARENTS. YOU ARE ON MY NAUGHTY LiST NOW. BE AFRAiD. YOU LOOK SLOW AND EASY TO KiLL. ENJOY YOUR COOKYS NEXT YEAR BECAUSE THEY WiLL BE POiSON.
i HOPE YOU WiLL DiE.
JEREMY
Goldtarget
(AKA OldGT)
:8 :argh:
LOL, that kid sounds like my older sister.....
:8
:8
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2018
- Messages
- 1,327
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- 3,370
Chiron52
Dave
Chiron52
Dave
Terrible start to the Christmas holidays
Yesterday was not a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake!
I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go.
I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop.
Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine.
Yesterday was not a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake!
I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go.
I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop.
Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine.
shakergt
Moderating Team
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and
wearing strange clothing, entered the E.R.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read ...
'Keep off the grass
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said . . .
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
???
wearing strange clothing, entered the E.R.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read ...
'Keep off the grass
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said . . .
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
???
A Cherokee Indian chief had 3 wives all of whom were pregnant.
When the first squaw gave birth to a boy, the chief was elated and built them a teepee made of buffalo hide.
The second squaw also gave birth to a boy a few days later. The chief was extremely and built them a teepee of antelope hide.
Soon, the third squaw gave birth, but the chief kept the birth details secret. He built them a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
[I know there are no hippopotami in North America,but just go with it.]
He challenged the people of his tribe to guess the latest birth details, and whomever was right would win a fine prize.
Many attempted but admitted they were only guesses without proof.
Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third squaw had had twins.
"That's correct" said the chief."How did you know?"
"Simple" said the brave. "The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
When the first squaw gave birth to a boy, the chief was elated and built them a teepee made of buffalo hide.
The second squaw also gave birth to a boy a few days later. The chief was extremely and built them a teepee of antelope hide.
Soon, the third squaw gave birth, but the chief kept the birth details secret. He built them a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
[I know there are no hippopotami in North America,but just go with it.]
He challenged the people of his tribe to guess the latest birth details, and whomever was right would win a fine prize.
Many attempted but admitted they were only guesses without proof.
Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third squaw had had twins.
"That's correct" said the chief."How did you know?"
"Simple" said the brave. "The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
stevewilko
that's right it was me....
I just threw away my reading glasses.
I now find I have 2020 vision.
Happy Prosperous New Years To All
I now find I have 2020 vision.
Happy Prosperous New Years To All
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
- Messages
- 2,060
- Reaction score
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I remember a maths teacher telling the class that joke when I was a kid, and me thinking exactly the same thing- there are no hippopotami in North America,and being so fixated on the fact that it couldn't be a Hippo, that I completely didn't get the joke or its relevance to Pythagoras Theorem.
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost ****s.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
oh They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!!
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost ****s.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
oh They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!!
Dont forget the Sheepdog Bra, rounds em up and points them in the right direction.
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
- Messages
- 2,060
- Reaction score
- 4,349
Q. Why can't a Chicken Coop have more than two doors?
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A. Because then it would be a Chicken Sedan
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A. Because then it would be a Chicken Sedan
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