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What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both whip round Uranus looking for Klingons…
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Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
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They both whip round Uranus looking for Klingons…
user 14190
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An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, had just moved to Wyoming.
Bert had always wanted a pair of cowboy boots, and seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over, "Nope"
Frustrated Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the cowboy boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and in her best deadpan said, "Bert what's different? Its hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope, Not a clue." she replied
Exasperated Bert said "IT'S HANGING DOWN , BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."
Bert had always wanted a pair of cowboy boots, and seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over, "Nope"
Frustrated Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the cowboy boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and in her best deadpan said, "Bert what's different? Its hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope, Not a clue." she replied
Exasperated Bert said "IT'S HANGING DOWN , BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."
user 14190
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user 14190
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stevewilko
that's right it was me....
Jesus, the Pope and an Archbishop went golfing.
Jesus teed off on a par three 158m hole with a 7 iron.
The ball flew straight and true, bounced and pitched directly at the pin and when about to stop millimetres from the cup a rabbit jumped out of the hole grabbed the ball and took off towards the rough.
An eagle swooped on the rabbit and took it 50m, then 100m, then 200m high across the ground where the rabbit dropped the ball.
It fell directly back towards the flag, bounced once and rolled into the cup.
Jesus was heard to mutter under his breath
" knock it off Dad, we're playing for money "
Jesus teed off on a par three 158m hole with a 7 iron.
The ball flew straight and true, bounced and pitched directly at the pin and when about to stop millimetres from the cup a rabbit jumped out of the hole grabbed the ball and took off towards the rough.
An eagle swooped on the rabbit and took it 50m, then 100m, then 200m high across the ground where the rabbit dropped the ball.
It fell directly back towards the flag, bounced once and rolled into the cup.
Jesus was heard to mutter under his breath
" knock it off Dad, we're playing for money "
David-Karratha
David
My son says, “if we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made of meat”?
user 14190
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user 14190
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shakergt
Moderating Team
user 14190
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user 14190
Too old to care anyway.
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Good one 2l.
David-Karratha
David
I’m finding the age isn’t so much the problem, it’s the mileage…
There’s a bit of a big-end knock, and a bit too much getting past the rings. Top-end isn’t too bad, although some head work probably wouldn’t go amiss. Getting hard to start sometimes on cold mornings, and there’s lots of funny noises that never used to be there.
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