Jokes

[Anolphart]

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to show the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door. Is that your big dog outside?
Wondering how she had got past him he said Yes why?
She said I m sorry but my dog just killed him!
What?? Roared the man What kind of dog have you got??
A Peke Replied the woman.
A Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?
I think it got stuck in his throat! Replied the woman.

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

Boat ramp scam alert!!
Two very sexy looking blonde girls come over to your car while you are getting the boat ready to launch.
They both start cleaning your boat with sponge and soapy water, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy dresses! It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say No? and instead ask you for a ride to the 24 hour PB petrol station a couple of kms down the road so they can get smokes and a cool drink. You agree and they get in the backseat. Then on the way, they pull their dresses down . Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, and three times this morning!!
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Cheap As Chips sells wallets for only $3.

 

[Anolphart]

A 7 year old lad asked Mum....... How was I born Mummy?

Mum smiled and said......
"Once upon a time me and your Daddy had a wonderful time and we planted a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow beautifully and it turned into a healthy leafy plant so...... we dried it, smoked it, got high and forgot to use a condom."

 

[7.62marksman]

A 7 year old lad asked Mum....... How was I born Mummy?

Mum smiled and said......
"Once upon a time me and your Daddy had a wonderful time and we planted a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow beautifully and it turned into a healthy leafy plant so...... we dried it, smoked it, got high and forgot to use a condom."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Rockhunter62]

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally we do a turkey but hey, if it will make 'em happy....

 

[Jazz]

I love cats!

Couldn't eat a whole one though.

 

[limpalot]

Have to get a Vietnamese recipe book

 

[Deepseeker]

Two Cannibals eating a Clown. One turns to the other and says- Does this taste funny to you?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Deepseeker]

How do we know it was a Collingwood supporter who invented the Toothbrush?

Because otherwise it would have been called a Teethbrush

 

[Greenhornet_au]

LOL, took me a second.....

:lol: :lol:

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Rockhunter62]

Thought I would put up a couple of links to some blonde jokes. :lol: :lol: :lol:

https://style.nine.com.au/latest/fi...-mistake/79dcc440-9c61-4823-8cef-2a852f0ce630

https://news.yahoo.com/woman-wears-shoes-on-wrong-feet-144059405.html

Cheers

Doug

 

[BigWave]

Wow Doug, you're certainly are our forum's fashionista!

 

[Rockhunter62]

Wow Doug, you're certainly are our forum's fashionista!

No Pete, just saw both these articles on the nine website over the last couple of days. Couldn't help myself, they need to be circulated. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Cheers

Doug

 

[Anolphart]

So when you see me wear my T-shirt inside out just remember that I'm a trendsetter.