Jokes

[RM Outback]

Two blokes go to the bakery for lunch the first bloke says he's really hungry but doesn't have much money so he's going to knock off 3 rolls. They walk in a in the blink of an eye the first bloke has the 3 rolls in his pocket. The second bloke says check out this trick and he says to the Baker I'll show you a trick. The Baker agrees and the second bloke says give me three rolls once he's got them he shoves them in his gob and eats them. The Baker asks so what's the trick and the second bloke says check my mates pockets :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[7.62marksman]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,

"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go detecting instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time detecting, "the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you to my therapists house for a terrific home cooked meal and a nice warm shower.

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your therapist be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, detecting and hunting."

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[Chiron52]

 

[xcvator]

Will 1 of you blokes come and clean my monitor screen :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[LONEWOLF]

Just put it in the toilet... it worked on the cat... ]

LW....

 

[Redfin]

Will 1 of you blokes come and clean my monitor screen :lol: :lol: :lol:

I can arrange that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWQm7qbZfxE

 

[Greenhornet_au]

Can I try out that Cat washer on my neighbours Cat ?

In her toilet ?

The bugger poo's in the kids sandpit, need my revenge.. layful:

Mrs GH enjoyed those jokes too. :lol:

 

[silver]

Can I try out that Cat washer on my neighbours Cat ?

In her toilet ?

The bugger poo's in the kids sandpit, need my revenge.. layful:

Buy or borrow a surprise ratter (dog) for cleaner Sandpits
oop:
:Y:

 

[Deepseeker]

Can I try out that Cat washer on my neighbours Cat ?

In her toilet ?

The bugger poo's in the kids sandpit, need my revenge.. layful:

Buy or borrow a surprise ratter (dog) for cleaner Sandpits
oop:
:Y:

I trapped over 30 cats on my last property before I moved. Most of them were feral (the buggers get big) and a few were domestic moggies. If you trap them Silver the council will come and take them away for you at no charge (domestic ones go back to their owners with a fine if they are chipped or registered with a tag), the feral ones go to Moggy heaven. Personally I think it's hard to be a responsible pet owner if you own a cat, in that dogs usually don't jump fences and kill stuff just for the fun of it. After years of trapping them and close study, I have come to the conclusion that all cats suffer from a lead deficiency

 

[LONEWOLF]

Hey, I like Cats... But I can never eat a whole one... :lol:

LW....

 

[Jaros]

Great for silencing noisy tyres.

 

[Deepseeker]

Hey, I like Cats... But I can never eat a whole one... :lol:

LW....

Strangely they reckon that they taste a lot like Rabbit (makes a change from the usual "It tasted like Chicken....").

There's a Scientist guy here in Oz who protests the keeping of cats as pets so much so that when attending conferences he wears a cat-skin hat in the Davey Crockett style. when asked about it he happily tells everyone that it's the only use that they have on our continent.

 

[Deepseeker]

Great for silencing noisy tyres.

Gives a whole new meaning to Bridgestone Cats hey Jaros?... :lol:

 

[Manpa]

Hey, I like Cats... But I can never eat a whole one... :lol:

LW....

Strangely they reckon that they taste a lot like Rabbit (makes a change from the usual "It tasted like Chicken....").

There's a Scientist guy here in Oz who protests the keeping of cats as pets so much so that when attending conferences he wears a cat-skin hat in the Davey Crockett style. when asked about it he happily tells everyone that it's the only use that they have on our continent.

Dr John Wolmsley, had a wildlife sanctuary in Stirling SA for many years.

 

[user 5263]

Bill Shorten was asleep and dreamt he was visited by Menzies' ghost.

He said, "Bob, how can I make this country a better place?"

Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers as I did."


Shorten went back to sleep and dreamed of John Howard.

He asked in his sleep, "John, how can I make this country a better place?"

John answered, "Be honest with the people as I was."


Again Shorten fell asleep and was visited by Harold Holt's ghost.

"Harold, how can I make this country a better place?"

Harold replied, "Go for a swim!"

 

[Northeast]

Hey, I like Cats... But I can never eat a whole one... :lol:

LW....

Strangely they reckon that they taste a lot like Rabbit (makes a change from the usual "It tasted like Chicken....").

There's a Scientist guy here in Oz who protests the keeping of cats as pets so much so that when attending conferences he wears a cat-skin hat in the Davey Crockett style. when asked about it he happily tells everyone that it's the only use that they have on our continent.

Not that I've ever eaten crap but when I ate some moggy I imagine that's what crap may taste like!

Not true of course but it certainly wasn't nice. Blue tongue and goanna on the other hand are quite delish :Y:

 

[Chiron52]

A little bit about me ....

 

[Chiron52]