statusquo
Marc
Why did Sue drop her ice-cream?
She was hit by a bus.
Knock knock who's there?
Well it sure ain't Sue
She was hit by a bus.
Knock knock who's there?
Well it sure ain't Sue
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Bad Dad Jokes
- Thread starter fjute1955
- Start date
Help Support Prospecting Australia:
statusquo
Marc
SCROUNGER said:
MY DAD! boom boom!
statusquo
Marc
Last one...
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
It was soda pressing.....
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
It was soda pressing.....
statusquo
Marc
Two cats crossing a river:
One Two Three cat made it but
Un Deaux Trois Cat Sank
One Two Three cat made it but
Un Deaux Trois Cat Sank
statusquo
Marc
Dad, it's cold in here
Well go and stand in the corner son
Why?
Cause its 90 degrees
Well go and stand in the corner son
Why?
Cause its 90 degrees
statusquo
Marc
Dad: there's gonna be a whole lot of people in San Francisco tonight.
Son: Why?
Dad: Because they live there.
Son: Why?
Dad: Because they live there.
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2013
- Messages
- 1,798
- Reaction score
- 3,410
what do you call a leper in a sleeping bag?
A Spring Roll
A Spring Roll
What do you do with an epileptic in the bath? Throw in your washing.
(apologies to any one who is so afflicted or has a family member with the condition)
(apologies to any one who is so afflicted or has a family member with the condition)
statusquo
Marc
Did you know you can't play poker in the jungle..
why?
Because there is too many cheetahs
why?
Because there is too many cheetahs
statusquo
Marc
Do you know I waited up all night to see where the sun went.. :then it dawned on me 
A couple of more silly one's from the net.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? Because he had a vowel movement.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
"What time is it?" I don't know... it keeps changing.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Whiteboards ... are remarkable.
Q. What did Dad say about the deer head mounted on the cabin wall?
A. He must have been going pretty fast when he hit the wall!
Thats enough, this is hurting
Have a good one
Mark
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? Because he had a vowel movement.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
"What time is it?" I don't know... it keeps changing.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Whiteboards ... are remarkable.
Q. What did Dad say about the deer head mounted on the cabin wall?
A. He must have been going pretty fast when he hit the wall!
Thats enough, this is hurting
Have a good one
Mark
i was in the park the other day and i wondered why a frisbee got bigger the closer it came,and then it hit me
Greglz86
Greg Anderson
Dont know if this joke has been done because i had to stop reading as it was taking up too much time. I must look like a crazy person sitting here giggling to myself. Anyway
How do you make a ham roll?
You push a pig down a hill.
How do you make a ham roll?
You push a pig down a hill.
Dughug
Doug Hughes
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2013
- Messages
- 262
- Reaction score
- 238
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says," Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "
Dave replies," Well we were married for nearly 20 years "
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."
"Don't do that" says Mick
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow." I said "You're obviously not listening."
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says," Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "
Dave replies," Well we were married for nearly 20 years "
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."
"Don't do that" says Mick
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow." I said "You're obviously not listening."
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
statusquo
Marc
what do you call a bear with no teeth?
A Gummy bear
A Gummy bear
