My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her I just swam to the surface.
Emo Phillips
(1956 ) American comedian
Emo Phillips
(1956 ) American comedian
-
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Jokes
- Thread starter 7.62marksman
- Start date
Help Support Prospecting Australia:
Bloke walking down the street and passed wind but it sounded like, "Honda".
His mate walking with him said he knew a bloke that could fix his problem.
He said you need to see my Chinese Dentist.
The dentist looked into his mouth and said, "Ah!"
" Confucius says, Abscess make the Fart go Honda"
Cheers
Mackka
His mate walking with him said he knew a bloke that could fix his problem.
He said you need to see my Chinese Dentist.
The dentist looked into his mouth and said, "Ah!"
" Confucius says, Abscess make the Fart go Honda"
Cheers
Mackka
Chiron52
Dave
Chiron52
Dave
Chiron52
Dave
An old prospector rides into town on his camel and heads straight to the hotel, tiering up
the camel goes in for a couple beers , after a couple of hours he comes out to find someone has stolen his camel so off to the troopers hut, Gday trooper, I went into the hotel for a beer and when I came out someone hat stolen my camel,
Trooper - well you better sit down and give me a few details, what color is ya camel.
Prospecter - hmm a brown creamy sorta color.
Trooper- well do you remember how many humps it has,
Prospecter - err two I think, no might have been just one.
Trooper- ok then can you remember if the camel is a male or female,
Prospecter - definitely a female ,
Trooper - if you can't remember what color or if ya camel has one or two humps how can you be so sure it's a female,
Prospecter- well when I rode into town I passed two blokes, and I heard one say to the other ,ear look at that #! On the camel.
the camel goes in for a couple beers , after a couple of hours he comes out to find someone has stolen his camel so off to the troopers hut, Gday trooper, I went into the hotel for a beer and when I came out someone hat stolen my camel,
Trooper - well you better sit down and give me a few details, what color is ya camel.
Prospecter - hmm a brown creamy sorta color.
Trooper- well do you remember how many humps it has,
Prospecter - err two I think, no might have been just one.
Trooper- ok then can you remember if the camel is a male or female,
Prospecter - definitely a female ,
Trooper - if you can't remember what color or if ya camel has one or two humps how can you be so sure it's a female,
Prospecter- well when I rode into town I passed two blokes, and I heard one say to the other ,ear look at that #! On the camel.
There has been a flash of lightning,
A roll of thunder.
Ever seen a disappearing act. ???
Now you have..
Sorry... O
Mod Edit...
A roll of thunder.
Ever seen a disappearing act. ???
Now you have..
Sorry... O
Mod Edit...
Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"
Three guys one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
I will give you each one wish, thats three wishes in total, says the genie.
The Scottish guy says, I am a fisherman, my dads a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity. So, with a blink of the genies eye, the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity. Again, with a blink of the genies eye, there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, Im very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The genie explains, Well, its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.
The Irishman says, Fill it up with water.
I will give you each one wish, thats three wishes in total, says the genie.
The Scottish guy says, I am a fisherman, my dads a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity. So, with a blink of the genies eye, the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity. Again, with a blink of the genies eye, there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, Im very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The genie explains, Well, its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.
The Irishman says, Fill it up with water.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
Im from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You dont say, Im from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I cant believe it, says the first man.
Im from Dublin too! Lets have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Marys, replies the second man.
I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says.
I went to Saint Marys and I graduated in 62, too!
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. Whats been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies the bartender. The OMalley twins are drunk again
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
Im from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You dont say, Im from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I cant believe it, says the first man.
Im from Dublin too! Lets have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Marys, replies the second man.
I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says.
I went to Saint Marys and I graduated in 62, too!
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. Whats been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies the bartender. The OMalley twins are drunk again
Now we start with the evil eye's. :8
And it was begat that this was indeed
deemed,
To be of irrefutable blasphemy.
Thy shalt be upstanding and express thy sorrows. :awful:
Oh, Moderator edit with stick. :rainbow:
And it was begat that this was indeed
deemed,
To be of irrefutable blasphemy.
Thy shalt be upstanding and express thy sorrows. :awful:
Oh, Moderator edit with stick. :rainbow:
Chiron52
Dave
An Irishman runs into a bank and yells "this is a f**k up."
The teller says "don't you mean a stick up?"
"No, it's a f**k up, I forgot my gun."
The teller says "don't you mean a stick up?"
"No, it's a f**k up, I forgot my gun."
Chiron52
Dave
jury's out on this one.
Sorry... :argh:
Yep,
Mod has visited...
Sorry... :argh:
Yep,
Mod has visited...
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What do you call a Greek Butcher ?? Con Cutupacarkis
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GT
What do you call a Muslim Country and Western singer ?? Salim Dusty
GT
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