Bad Dad Jokes

[diggit]

Why is Dyslexia so hard to spell?

 

[Manpa]

Why is Dyslexia so hard to spell?

I'm not sure but I could ask the guy who worshipped dog!

 

[shmiff]

Just got back from the zoo. I saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

 

[BigWave]

A sect of dyslexic devil worshipers finally decided they'd go all the way.
They carefully undertook the sacred rituals but ended up selling their souls to Santa.

 

[shmiff]

I tried to give myself a sex change yesterday but I couldn't quite pull it off.

 

[BoydWilliam]

Whats better than eating a mandarin?
Eating amandaout

 

[shmiff]

Ten thousand Viagra tablets have been stolen from a pharmacy in Melbourne.

Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

 

[Tathradj]

 

[7.62marksman]

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack Schitt! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, You dont know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

 

[StoneTheCrows]

That is schitt hot marksman

 

[7.62marksman]

One day two boys were walking through thewoodswhen they saw some rabbit *****. One of the boys said: "What is that?"

"'They'resmartpills," said the other boy "Eat them and they'll make you smarter."

So he ate them and said: "These taste like *****."

"See," said the other boy, "you're already getting smarter."

 

[shakergt]

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack Schitt! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, You dont know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

Marksman I have tears in my eyes and a sore side I was laughing so hard when reading this.

 

[7.62marksman]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the Australian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drives in an effort to determine, in fatalaccidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before thecrash.

They were surprised to find in most of Australia the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were: "Oh, ****!"

Only the state ofNSW was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold mybeerand watch this!"

 

[7.62marksman]

One good thing about getting older is that multi-tasking becomes easier.

You can sneeze, piss and ***** yourself all at the same time!

 

[7.62marksman]

Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

 

[HippyProspecting]

Your on a roll tonight marksman. Someone's snuck into the liquor cabinet

 

[7.62marksman]

The kindergarten class had ahomeworkassignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the littlekidsto give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon Little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's aperiod" reported Johnny.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

 

[7.62marksman]

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog,idiotdog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without theworddog.

 

[silver]

Why was No.2 scared of No.9 ?
Because 987654&3.

Why did No.2 leave in a hurry ?
He didn't want to hang around with 2 nuts.

No.2 had a fight !
He had a fallingl out with sphincter.

Why did No.2 put jelly in the toilet before his big date ?
Because he knew he'd want to slip into something more comfortable.

 

[silver]

I said hi to the ocean the other day at the beach.
And it kept waving to me.