Funny sayings

[BigWave]

As slippery as eels in a barrel of snot.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
Big like ox, smart like tractor.

 

[StoneTheCrows]

Useful as a handbrake on a canoe

Missed by a gnat's appendage - (Kerry o'keefe commenting on cricket)

 

[The Green Wanderer]

On the up and up

Flat out like a lizard drinking

Angry as a cut snake

Slower than a snails backside

So skinny they make skeletor look overweight

Dimmer than nighttime in a cave

 

[HippyProspecting]

It was better than a kick in the nuts

 

[Manpa]

Better than a smack in the belly with a wet fish.

If your looking for sympathy you'll find it between **** and syphilis in the dictionary.

 

[madhatter]

Someone who is an a$$hole is called a Toe,
If they ask why.....
because its lower than a **** ]

 

[shakergt]

I forgot about this one until I heard it again today

He is showing more crack than you would find in a drug house.

It was said about a person who was reviling their butt/plumbers crack

I am sure many of us would be guilty of this when digging for that bit of yellow.

 

[RM Outback]

If I don't eat soon I'll have to dance around in the shower to get wet.

Hey AF hope you had a feed today . At least you know your not alone with narra (cause he's not very wide :lol: as said by narra) and me sharing the same metabolism :Y:

 

[The Scrounger]

How do you get a pommy out of the shower - you throw a cake of soap in.

Australians are the most balanced people on earth - they have a chip on both shoulders

The older I get the better I was.

 

[HeadsUp]

As ugly as a bucket full of bums

As sexy as a bucket full of ****ies

 

[RM Outback]

How do you get a pommy out of the shower - you throw a cake of soap in.

Australians are the most balanced people on earth - they have a chip on both shoulders

The older I get the better I was.

So are you a yank, Aussie's are so balanced because we see the chips on everyone else's shoulder's :Y:. No need to explain I realise you made a mistake.

 

[xcvator]

She went off faster than a bucket of prawns in the sun

It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

He's built like a grey hound....all prick and ribs

Any lower and he could crawl under a snakes belly

Pull a cows c@$%t over your head and get a bull to f%^&k some sense into you

there's a few cockatoos missing in the top paddock there

Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag

go and r@#t your boot, there's a big c%^t in it

 

[Wishfull]

Wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse.

 

[RM Outback]

A blind man would be happy with that, near enough's good enough.

 

[The Scrounger]

You are as sharp as a bowling ball

You don't have to have a long neck to be a goose

The best thing about being a volunteer is that you don't have to be by lunch time

The 6 P's - pre planning prevents piss poor performance

 

[The Scrounger]

It is easy to say I love you from 5,000 miles away

Will you shut up and give your arse a chance

Just because your lips are moving doesn't mean you are talking

I might be going slow but I am in front of you

 

[Sandta]

Mumble pants ... you know those tight lycra active wear get-ups those fat chicks should NEVER wear
Why mumble pants ?
Because you can see the lips move but cant hear what the c^#t is saying ! ]

 

[The Scrounger]

Illegal - is just a sick bird

My wife is killing me with a feather 8.(

 

[goldtruck59]

well ferg a duck
wouldn't shag that with your d...
cop a gander at that !!!!
well **** a brick
bugger me dead
busier than a one arm fruit picker
stone the crows
dead set rip snorter
bloody rippa cobber
your kiddin ya dipshit

on an on. The aussie vernacular is the best in the world or you can all sod off

GT

 

[7.62marksman]

One bloke says to a guy that talks *****

If you couldn't whistle
You wouldn't know which end to wipe