Funny sayings

[The Scrounger]

She offered her honor - he honored her offer - all night long he was on her and off her.

Up and down like a brides nighty.

In and out like a fiddlers elbow.

 

[aussiefarmer]

Slippery as snot
Snow comming the cats ontop of the fridge
Snow coming my ballz are swollen
New boots ? You must feel better than you look

On forms where it asks occupation i usually put
Rock hopper or saddle frigger or tussock jumper or tractor jockey

 

[Anolphart]

He's as popular as a fart in a lift
It's dry as an Arab's fart
Tight as a fish's arsehole

 

[Rockhunter62]

"Beauty is only skin deep but with you I'd need a pick and shovel"

Another take on it,

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone.

 

[lordo.1]

Going off like a robbers dog.
Got a head like a robbers dog.
If you cant dazzle em with briliance , Baffle em with ********,

 

[RM Outback]

Pot hole/ speed hump he's always I'm the road.
Passion finger's, anything he touches will be f'd.
Couldn't run out of sight on a dark night, fat coppers.
Their all light when their empty, a response to anyone offering light beer.
After a hard night in my youth people would ask how do you feel I'd respond shaking like a dog shi!!ing razor blades.
When ever I have a head cold and blocked sinus and people ask how are you, I've got a head like a Cray fish (it's full of sh#!) but some people say that's normal :lol:.
Toey as a Roman sandle.

 

[limpalot]

Like a gin's left tit; it ain't fair and it ain't right.

 

[texta]

so hungry i could eat 2 taters more than a pig and still come back for the peelins .
about as much chance as a snowball in hell .
if he came in soaking wet and said it was raining outside i still wouldnt believe him .
about as handy as flyscreens on a submarine .
if bullsh.t was electricity he would be a walkin powerhouse .
i'll bet london to a brick .
dry as a pork chop .
hold my beer and watch this .

 

[Wishfull]

As usefull as a screen door on a submarine.

 

[7.62marksman]

So hungry i could eat the crutch out of a low flying duck

 

[Northeast]

Quack quack, marksman :lol: :lol:

Has anyone here met AussieFarmer? I have. Nice bloke. Good for a laugh. But he's a skinny chap. Actually, I've seen more fat on a greasy chip! Just heard that one recently, it was a new one for me. Just jokes of course AF

 

[Northeast]

I should add Marksman, that I only say that because a colleague of mine once said that to a young, gentleman patient

He was laid up in bed after breaking something and needing surgery. We had to give him a bit of a wash in bed after theatre. Not my favorite part of the role but obviously she was looking forward to it. Let's call him Andy and let's call her Debra (because that's her name ).

Debra: How are you Andy?

Andy: Ok.

Debra: Bit hungry after fasting for theatre?

Andy: Yep.

Debra: Hungry enough to eat the crutch out of a low flying duck? (Big grin on her face. I had no idea what was coming).

Andy: Ummm, yeah? (Confused).

Debra: (leans in, cheekily says) Quack, quack.

Andy: Turned more shades of red than I knew existed :lol: :lol:

 

[7.62marksman]

Thank god for that you had me worried for a bit there

 

[Northeast]

Yep, thought I'd better explain myself :|

 

[aussiefarmer]

Hey hey hey im the fattest ive ever been .

Cant fatten a thorough bred

 

[silver]

Like a rat up a drainpipe
mudgaurd-shiny on top, full of $hit underneath
dressed up like a moll at a wedding
scrotum....more than a handfull
lower than a snakes belly
toenails.... all you can see hangin out the bosses ar$e.

 

[aussiefarmer]

Quack quack, marksman :lol: :lol:
its not to late to turn vegetarian

Has anyone here met AussieFarmer? I have. Nice bloke.

Your statements wrong mate im only 17% nice bloke and 83% prick ]

 

[silver]

Quack quack, marksman :lol: :lol:
its not to late to turn vegetarian

Has anyone here met AussieFarmer? I have. Nice bloke.

Your statements wrong mate im only 17% nice bloke and 83% prick ]

Greyhound... all rib and c0ck

 

[Northeast]

Quack quack, marksman :lol: :lol:
its not to late to turn vegetarian

Has anyone here met AussieFarmer? I have. Nice bloke.

Your statements wrong mate im only 17% nice bloke and 83% prick ]

Common fact that 62% of statistics are just made up

 

[Smoky bandit]

Here comes BLISTER.
He always shows up when the works done.