Advice needed....Depression in young man

[OldGold]

Hello LC76,

I am only new to the forum today and was looking through the posts and yours stood out.

My advice comes with a lot of experience.

Family can often be at a loss as to how to try to help.

You are right in trying to get him to have a hobby, learn some discipline.

Often just the encouragement of a stranger/meeting new people can mean all the difference.

The most important thing is him learning how special he is and keeping on believing it.

Even small achievements can be enough to light the spark of happiness again.

I hope that helps
:rainbow:

 

[Billy]

LC, I don't think it's been mentioned yet, but have you considered getting him a pet of some sort. This may not be a viable/practical thing to do but I think everyone should own/care for an animal at some stage of their life and the joy that they can bring is better than any computer game/drug etc etc.
A dog for me would be the ideal pet but they are also not an easy animal for everyone to be able to keep/house etc.
Just my thoughts mate and I hope everything goes well for the young fella and all of his family.
Cheers,
Billy.

 

[BigWave]

Great post Chewy (and many others)! Best of luck LC :Y:

 

[Occasional_panner]

The army isn't for everyone. And with psycological screening odds are he wouldn't be accepted anyway having depression. That could lead to feelings of rejection and make things worse. I get the general train of thought here LC, from yourself and others who have commented along those lines, but as diversion therapy goes the armed forces are bad idea. I was against medicating my daughter when she was diagnosed as suffering from depression, I thought it was a stupid idea that treated the symptoms and did not solve the problem. But the meds go together with psycological counseling and the meds are a short term fix hopefully until the counseling helps. My daughter is very happy now and although she still ******* about things beyond her control occasionally, she seems to be able to accept yhings for what they are and move on now. Last year of high school for her now. She is looking to study psycology at uni next year so that she can help other ppl who need it. I wish your son all the best LC. Sorry, it probably isn't what you wanted to hear. But from a dad with a kid who has suffered depression to another, stay strong, vigilant, and involved, but let the experts handle it. Good luck mate.

Just found this thread, Chewy summed up the Army idea perfectly, he won't be accepted, if by a miracle he was, the rigours of basic training may break or make him, but people can, and will be cruel, if they see a weakness in him it will be focused on, and that won't help him at all. I saw plenty of people fail basic training, and following corps specific training, it's hard for some. I had a regimented life beforehand so no shock to me, but it's certainly not for everyone.
Best of luck mate, seems like the best option is to pack him off to Madtuna for a couple of weeks.

 

[parlayhunter]

find a youth centre in your area, he still comes under being a youth,they will assign him a youth worker and they will build a relationship with him and then find his strengths and weaknesses and will be able to work on what he needs to do to have a successful well being plan. Not everyone needs to be medicated, sometimes its getting out and being a little more active and meeting new friends

 

[Dignit]

LC
I have a fair bit of experience with depression in my family and what I've experienced is that everyone is different with conditions being caused by all sorts of psychological and or psychiatrical route causes, and to varying degrees. All 4 of my immediate family members have mental health issues. They are all different. They all have different personalities as well which affects the persons ability to deal with it. As such careful diagnosis by professionals is critical. It's my opinion there is no one fix to suit all, what works for one may not work for another, and each case must be considered and treated individually. Medication certainly works when symptoms are diagnosed and treated correctly. However, getting the right medication can be a distressing ordeal of trial and error, with side affects causing less than acceptable relief or even worsening of condition. A member of my family trialed all sorts of medication for years before getting on to the one that provided an acceptable level of relief. Finding the right GP, Psychologist, Psychiatrist and or Counseller that the patient can relate to and get help from is critically important. It can be a huge challenge to find just the right help.
It's a process that you all have to work through, where family understanding and support is crucial.
I wish and hope that your son finds relief quickly.
It's a painful thing for parents to endure, as we feel so helpless.
Hang in there.

 

[xcvator]

LC
I have a fair bit of experience with depression in my family and what I've experienced is that everyone is different with conditions being caused by all sorts of psychological and or psychiatrical route causes, and to varying degrees. All 4 of my immediate family members have mental health issues. They are all different. They all have different personalities as well which affects the persons ability to deal with it. As such careful diagnosis by professionals is critical. It's my opinion there is no one fix to suit all, what works for one may not work for another, and each case must be considered and treated individually. Medication certainly works when symptoms are diagnosed and treated correctly. However, getting the right medication can be a distressing ordeal of trial and error, with side affects causing less than acceptable relief or even worsening of condition. A member of my family trialed all sorts of medication for years before getting on to the one that provided an acceptable level of relief. Finding the right GP, Psychologist, Psychiatrist and or Counseller that the patient can relate to and get help from is critically important. It can be a huge challenge to find just the right help.
It's a process that you all have to work through, where family understanding and support is crucial.
I wish and hope that your son finds relief quickly.
It's a painful thing for parents to endure, as we feel so helpless.
Hang in there.

That would be the single most important thing to do. I've struggled with the black dog for nearly 40 years, and only last year did I find somebody that I could relate to properly and it was like a heavy wet blanket being lifted off of me.
Good luck with your quest, it can be a long hard road with no easy way off of it

 

[Cuckoowaif]

What a challenging question you ask LC76 ...... The only suggestion that I have is as simple as birdsong . Our youngfolk these days have always got earbuds in , listening to music , and therefore can't hear the natural world around them . In evolutionary terms this sets up a natural internal alarm state and causes anxiety , because when birds go quiet in the natural world it means "Danger" . Try to get him outdoors , without earbuds , and away from social media as well , as that in itself is a distorted version of the world we live in . So , I agree with the idea of gettig him out bush for a week ....
Steve .

 

[nuggetino]

Sorry to hear about your son mate. Let us know how it goes. I really do think professional help should be sought. You can seek help from a therapist for your son and he/she can give you advice on how to help him or encourage him to seek help. I also think there's a real problem these days with doctors prescribing medication for issues which could be solved by a lifestyle change. Chemical balances in our brain are influenced by our experiences. Think about how stress from environmental factors can be so detrimental to our wellbeing. Drugs are the very last resort IMO and to be taken only if it can be proven there is a physical problem causing the issue. Depression caused by external factors can often be worked through without the assistance of medication.
I've been depressed for a long period of time, had suicidal thoughts during that time and yet nobody around me knew what was going on. I hid my feelings from my family and friends as I thought as a man I can't seek help and am not supposed to have emotional problems. I came out the other side eventually but in hindsight I am certain i could have worked through it much quicker with the support of others and I'd encourage anybody feeling down in the dumps to do so.

 

[Gunter]

Theyd been a few studies that have made the news recently ....

Both of them found any young person spending more than 1 hour on social media per day , were more likely to suffer depression , and 30 % more likely to commit self harm .

Its a bugger of a new age world for kids now .

My ex wife has recently been diagnosed with depression , and she has spent the last 5 years living on Facebook . I think that seeing what everyone else has , on social media , makes people think hey why dont I have that ?

I actually believe thats what made her decide on our separation , thinking I was inadequate , yet I gave my guys working to improve our life !

Hope your son comes good ! Medication is the last resort !

Gunter

 

[Chiron52]

My eldest bloke was lost when he finished school. He became withdrawn, wouldn't take part in family stuff.
Didn't want to find a job and just sat around the house. Everyone started to get on his case.
Suddenly one day, he announced he had joined the army (I'm ex-navy) which was a surprise to all.
(I thought he was just trying to get everyone off his back).
Well, he did his time in the army, came out for a year but went back in.
He is now out of the army and in a well paid job in Canberra.
Has a wife and 3 kids (the eldest is now 18 and just left school).
They just bought a new home on 43 acres and they are enjoying life.

What I am trying to say is that the military helped him to find his way.
I don't know if it was the discipline or being with others around his age and helping one another through both basic training and deployment.
He certainly came out the other end a more complete man for it.
I hope your boy finds his way soon too LC76.

 

[Trash]

LC
I admire your openness to share it in the forum
Lots of good advice to think about
From experience best to get a GP to review & refer to psychologist
It may sound embarrassing or not manly but trust the experts .

Very best of luck

 

[Goldtarget]

Phew that was a lot to take in...Any way on my my thoughts as quickly as I can.

First sort out what depth and timeline this has been on. This should guide you. The longer the time line and the higher the severity the more immediate the reaction becomes. If we are talking long bouts of moodiness and the blues then talk of meds etc might be hasty.

If it's been longer than say 1 year or more and thoughts of suicide then give control to the experts.

If your somewhere before that then limit his isolation. Sure he's likely to resist, and harder still if your not around 100% but as you've already guessed by gut instinct it's the self isolation that will almost certainly be contributing.
Young people deserve freedom, yes, but leaving them to their own devices in isolation will not help. If they are already disconnected then it will slide further. I gave my step daughter her space right up to the point she tried to take her life. You have to play the hard line.

Then you have to engage...Hell it's not easy but you need to keep trying. Not reaching out, engaging. Chores, meal times, where they go, you got to get to the heart of it. Invade until it's the norm. Once he's forced to open up on a menial level he'll come around to engaging with you on a personal level.

No alcohol, no drugs, no negative influence, and probably no socials. None of this helps a fragile state. No fuel on the fire so to speak.

Exercise, routine, regular healthy eating, discipline, and as close to normal sleeping patterns to start with. It won't fix it, but it will help. Then get into Father/son activities with some meaning. I would suggest outdoors, preferably something that holds his interest, something he's invested in. Rarely do we not like as adults what we liked as kids, and if your really out of ideas then just the bush or the beach.

I don't think for one second I have all the answers for your boy or you LC but leaving him to figure it out on his own is the least best option. My uncle and Aunty tried that with my adult cousin by asking him home and leaving him be and he took his own life. I tried it with my stepdaughter and it took months after she was hospitalized before she came around. My brother and I had the same parents, during my own struggle my Dad put his foot down from the get go, and I got through it. When my brother moved home he did as he pleased and spent 18 months lost in the mental wilderness, and to this day barely has it held together.

Whatever path you head down I sincerely and utterly hope you succeed, no matter how long it takes. Love him enough that even if the days are darkest for him he knows his Dad just wants to see better days for him.