Advice needed....Depression in young man

[Ramjet]

One thing about depression. Who ever decides to help, or ask questions, will need to initiate any communications. Its all well and good to say I'm here, talk to me, they won't.
You NEED to initiate every conversation, every time.
And if you get the "its OK, I'm fine " response, if you don't buy it, try again soon after.
Sometimes they will say things that will hurt, or try to distance them selves (I know this cause I've suffered the black dog, still do at times) so follow it up.
Reassure them they will come good.
The biggest thing is, if they come out of depression, they might be so used to being depressed, that they don't realise they are better.
Someone mentioned a "sense of purpose" that is so true. Also having something that relies on them is really good.
A dog is good thing. It relies on its owner and the owner can't let it down.

Great advice but we are only amateurs with our own ideas of what is best. Professional help is probably best but often hard to get a young bloke to realize that he needs help. Or even hard for an old fart like me to see that I need help. The help I have received has been a tremendous relief to me and my family. Do NOT tough it out. No shame in seeking help.

 

[Davent]

I've had councilling sessions, that I found useless.
Others have found help in the sessions though.
They need to talk, just listen to them, and if you don't have any answers there and then, tell them the truth, but also reassure them that you WILL help find someone who CAN help, and follow it up.

 

[Ramjet]

I've had councilling sessions, that I found useless.
Others have found help in the sessions though.
They need to talk, just listen to them, and if you don't have any answers there and then, tell them the truth, but also reassure them that you WILL help find someone who CAN help, and follow it up.

I had some sessions with a very well respected guy in his field... Legal/court related stuff that cost me a lot of $$$$. He seemed very friendly and barely asked me anything but absolutely nailed me. Picked out every aspect of my personality and my issues.
Well worth the effort.

 

[RM Outback]

Gee that's a challenging situation LC76 I like AF's approach. An unplanned no fuss approach could be the key. The way I see councillors is like a sock draw full of socks, there's plenty to choose from and once you've tried a few you'll know the one you like. Of course it's upto your your bloke to choose. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Goldchaser1]

Best of luck with him LC,i wont start on what weve been through with our young bloke last 5 yrs,hasnt been good,id just make sure hes not taking drugs but ya probably onto that,hard love helped our son in the end,no one in our family could handle him,they all tried,he was homeless,jobless etc etc at 17 and we cut him off,he soon changed,depression,anger,attitude,i dont know,im old school,just dont understand some of todays youth,think we are to soft on them sometimes and FB plus peer group pressure runs there life,i dont know my son,hes glued to FB,has a job in underground now though so getting there hopefully.
Well sorry i did start on him a bit.....
Please tell your ex not to go the medication route,dont think thats a good avenue,hell find his way......

 

[guipago]

Bummer of a situation, there's been some good ideas given, volunteer work with RSPCA or the Fire service RFS, SES or like will get him out & about, but it's sounding like the ex is part of the problem also so why not get her & yourself off to a councillor like beyond blue or such & learn what type of issues might cause these problems with young people, some you won't sort out but at least being aware of them will give you an idea on how to get around them, parents drag the kids off to a doctor or councillor for drugs or a "talk" & never learn where the problems actually start or how to talk about them without alienating the young people, just an idea.

 

[limpalot]

Both of my boys have got into SES, they love it a nd have gained many skills; the older members really look after the young ones.

 

[HeadsUp]

A couple of thoughts .

1) keep the hell away from medication.

2) there are good counsellors out there but I would say 80 % of them are lousy useless deadshitsss , some of them conspire to make a dollar by telling you that you need help so that you will keep going back spending money.

The solution must be tailor made to suit his personality ,but understanding what the problem is has to be the first step

 

[rocketaroo]

GP, psychologist, etc. But dont push him to accept help....give him space when he wants it, give him time when he accepts it from you. He is in hell sometimes, and its just too hard to deal with anything, that's outside of his own headspace. Be watchful, and ask if he has contemplated suicide. Be there for him, as much as you can. His girlfriend, and friends need to know this as well.

 

[LONEWOLF]

One thing I realised with my Daughter was that Young People relate better with other Young People... She had some Counselling with an Older person and the advise she received was shocking... When She opened up and told me that, she can't relate to older people 'cause they don't understand the pressures of being young today'... So I booked her in to see a young girl fresh out of Uni.... Best thing I ever did and she thanks me for it every day....

LW....

 

[Bobh]

It's important to seek a GP skilled in treating depression. Beyond Blue can advise on recommended GP's. Why does one person get depression and another doesn't in the same circumstances; it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.
The idea of medication is to correct that imbalance and not to put the person in a zombie like state or similar.
people on depression medication maybe on for a short time or many years. Once the person and GP work together to get the medication type and strength correct, normal living results.
A good GP will look at lifestyle changes as well as medical needs.
it's excellent that you are able to talk with your son, tell him you love him and will be there for him no matter what.

 

[Goldchaser1]

We all go through up and downs in life and are all born with separate personalitys,medication for a young bloke down in the dumps to me seems like your allmost taking the easy way out,give him some pills and throw him in the corner,also i think it would be detrimental knowing your on medication,not sure of LCs sons severity but boy it would be last on my list by a long way,some reading below.....

http://www.spiked-online.com/newsit...-the-answer-to-depression-mental-health/18461

 

[LONEWOLF]

I have to disagree with the above... Bobh has got it... Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain... Lifestyle, diet, and a little help from some medication has helped me through the ruff times... I have been on a mild Antidepressant for 4 years and I would be a mess without it... I had to do this to keep things 'balanced' IN Me with All of my Wife's issues... Serotonin is produced naturally by the body and makes you feel happy, sometimes the body doesn't produce enough and you will feel down.. so this is why they put you on something to correct this imbalance... Some Need it some don't.... Sometimes it just helps you get through.....

LW...

 

[Guest]

I sort of now how u feel i got nine other sisters and brothers 34 nices and nefews u write a book about my family alcohol drugs devoice suicide being the youngest i seen the bloody lot ! of it u got 2 break that rut that he in and how u do that can b many ways doctors ,shinks , diferent envorment like someone said farm interest motor bikes etc my family used send there kids 2 me when they got 2 a point ive worn a patch on my back 4 last 25 yrs OMG so i talk them and show them what respect ,love,loyalty keep them busy with out knowing it helping me on orgising runs fuctions 4 the community then they would talk 2 me because i was trusted by them ,u got 2 find that missing link

 

[rocketaroo]

Medication works, it gives people their lives back. There are side effects, it depends how your body reacts to a particular drug.

 

[Magilla]

It's important to seek a GP skilled in treating depression. Beyond Blue can advise on recommended GP's. Why does one person get depression and another doesn't in the same circumstances; it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.
The idea of medication is to correct that imbalance and not to put the person in a zombie like state or similar.
people on depression medication maybe on for a short time or many years. Once the person and GP work together to get the medication type and strength correct, normal living results.
A good GP will look at lifestyle changes as well as medical needs.
it's excellent that you are able to talk with your son, tell him you love him and will be there for him no matter what.

:Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y: :Y:

 

[AngerManagement]

Hard to find a Good GP...

Kids today have never learnt to deal with boredom or to think about things and develop their own ways of dealing with life...

FB and many other processes are all about - Feeding the person; Not about How to feed themselves and to use their brains. (Feed a man fish and you have to feed him for life; Teach him to fish and he will feed himself and maybe even you )

FB etc is about INSTANT gratification... Go detecting and see how long it can take to get that magic moment... Go fishing and how much work and time and often a wet ass and no fish... Kids today have not been given teh skills to deal with any disappointment or time lag between action and outcomes...

I do not know the full story but I do get the feeling that some one may be enabling (meaning well but not true help) and this is a hard issue to manage...

He needs some sort of engagement with a trained person to actually determine the REAL ISSUE... No Job prospects / feeling on the out / FB Addiction / lack of direction / Lack of self worth... A real medical condition ??? Perceptions may be real to the holder of those perceptions but it is when they become teh foundations for the future; that the damage starts to happen.

My first guess - Away for Social media - Away from Family and get out and do some physical work and learn that making mistakes is part of life and that being up front and honest with those involved can help you fix a problem and move on... Landscaping / out bush and repairing fences / working with others and learn about team work and being there for ya mates - NOt a week or 2 but a good few months of it... Armed Forces has lots to offer; but is not always suited to some...

Tough LOVE but both partners have to be on the same page....

 

[LC76]

Sorry for the lack of info about my boys situation, Its hard to ask for help when you can't give too much away for fear of embarrassing him.

But he is working and spends far too much time on the computer.
But I know in his mind that's all there is for him to do.
And if given the choice that's all he will do.

That's why I'd love to just drop him off at the Army barracks...... Or book him in for a week long voyage on the young endeavor learning how to work with strangers running a ship.

I feel like he needs adventure and to make a ton of mistakes and just live life.

And if medication is needed then I'm ok with that too, as long as it's not forced on him as the only option.

I've been trying to contact his mum today to discuss some of the stuff you all have suggested but she's not answering any texts or calls.... Will have to pop in tomorrow instead.

 

[Chewy]

The army isn't for everyone. And with psycological screening odds are he wouldn't be accepted anyway having depression. That could lead to feelings of rejection and make things worse. I get the general train of thought here LC, from yourself and others who have commented along those lines, but as diversion therapy goes the armed forces are bad idea. I was against medicating my daughter when she was diagnosed as suffering from depression, I thought it was a stupid idea that treated the symptoms and did not solve the problem. But the meds go together with psycological counseling and the meds are a short term fix hopefully until the counseling helps. My daughter is very happy now and although she still ******* about things beyond her control occasionally, she seems to be able to accept yhings for what they are and move on now. Last year of high school for her now. She is looking to study psycology at uni next year so that she can help other ppl who need it. I wish your son all the best LC. Sorry, it probably isn't what you wanted to hear. But from a dad with a kid who has suffered depression to another, stay strong, vigilant, and involved, but let the experts handle it. Good luck mate.

 

[Goldchaser1]

Hopefully not LC but we dealt with near exact symptoms with our young bloke,depression and also aggressive,which was meth(ice),sadly quite a few young blokes end up messing with it a bit