Nursing Home Versus Holiday Inn

[PabloP]

Clearly not Oz, but interesting perspective.
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No NURSING HOME FOR ME!!!!

No nursing home for me. I'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for nursing home care being $275.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.
I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $79.00 per night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry,
gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and a washer-dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

Give out $10 worth of tips a day & you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.
While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.
Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
Is TV broken? Do light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance. Or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check-in for a few days mini-vacation.

The grand-kids can use the pool.
What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age,
I'll face it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING!

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)

I'm only sending this to my 'old' friends.
I love to see you smile.

 

[Teemore]

Not much better in OZ around $55/day but you have to put up a bond of around $400,000, the government chips in a bit and your kids get to spend the bond money (or what's left if you draw down on it to pay fees) when you finally take a dirt nap.

 

[HippyProspecting]

No maid is going to shower and whipe you arse for you when you **** yourself though

 

[goody2shoes]

You got to pay extra for that service HippyProspection :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[fwdoz]

No maid is going to shower and whipe you arse for you when you ***** yourself though

Might be equipped with one of those fancy bidets to do it for you

 

[HippyProspecting]

No maid is going to shower and whipe you arse for you when you ***** yourself though

Might be equipped with one of those fancy bidets to do it for you

I bet those things do wonders for hemorrhoids.
A burst of water has got to be better for the date than a fist full of 2 ply

 

[fwdoz]

A burst of water has got to be better for the date than a fist full of 2 ply

Or in some cases, a fist full of sandpaper. Some of that really is $hit paper

 

[HippyProspecting]

Your not wrong fwdoz

 

[DrDuck]

When I was a kid in the 1960's, dad was for a while the manager of the Miller's Pacific Hotel in Manly. Now it's the infamous Pacific International, known as the Murderer's Arms after its one time proprietor Andrew Kalajzich who got sent to goal for the murder of his wife.

In those days the Hotel was a favorite of cockies bringing their families to Sydney for the Easter Show, as well as for visiting rugby teams like the All Blacks.

It also had one of Sydney's most popular live music venues - the Canopus Room. Doug Parkinson and the Questions were resident acts, but a lot of well known bands performed there.

In any case, there were among the guests a number of "residents" who were generally retired school teachers or military men who lived relatively comfortably on their pensions in the Hotel. Bit like the Major in Fawlty Towers. I think they got a good deal for their meals in the hotel dining room. I'm pretty sure that this is no longer a popular option but it was common enough back then.

If I outlive my wife, my ambition is to have a shack on a goldfield somewhere and be a cranky old bastard. However, a room in an Hotel that has Reschs on tap might be a good option, too.