Thank you so much guys for your kind thoughts, words and empathy. I know I can push through this dark period again as I have many times before. My wife is one of a kind, she can put up with my crap for a start
We both love each other to bits and need each other to get through life. We are both tough buggers and have a long family history of struggles so I guess that's just the luck of the draw.
I was lucky enough to get out to Sailors Creek yesterday for a pan with two work colleagues in tow to look after me. I could hardly move to begin with but once we were in the creek I perked up remarkably. Soon I was bounding over rocks and digging up to my armpits. As soon as I saw the first speck of colour the shades lifted off my soul and I began to feel well again on a mental level, even though I was still physically very weak and wobbly on my feet.
I could feel life returning as I lectured my chums on the basics of reading a river and teaching them how to pan. If I wasn't so averse to contact with the majority of humanity I think I could have been a great teacher. I have an intense empathy for my fellow humans which is probably why I need to distance myself as a means of self preservation. It just gets all too much to bear and I need to find solitude. There are so many people out there struggling and I feel rather silly and selfish moaning about my problems. I am glad I reached out to you guys on the forum as I don't feel so alone now. I think us prospectors are a rare breed and I love reading your posts and learning about the old timers. It is a privilege to count myself among your ranks.
I am well equipped to deal with the physical aspects of my ordeal but I wasn't prepared for the mental impact. Usually I can tough out any situation life throws at me so this is new territory for me. I know I will be alright with all of the support I am receiving from so many kind people. There is no point dwelling on the past. I will take your sage advice and live in the present with the hope of a brand new day and the myriad possibilities the future holds.
Funnily enough, working like a Trojan in the creek seems to have helped my physical symptoms too. I must have pushed some of the toxins that were caught up in my lymph nodes through my system. I had an epic sweat last night and intense lucid dreams. Last night I could even taste salt, but today I have gone backwards a little. I felt like i was hit by a truck this morning so i had better get down the creek again pronto
Ihave more confidence that things will right themselves again soon.
Anyway, I'll get back to the crux of the matter
My mates both found a few specks of fly poo and each had a go at the super sluice pan, the Aussie Disposals black pan and a range of old steel pans. One has decided to buy The Garret panning kit although he says he hasn't got the fever just yet. He just wants to get out with his boys every second week for a relaxing pan in the creek rather than breaking his back playing cricket. That's a big win as far as I'm concerned. The other fellow is visiting from England so he has an interesting story to tell when he gets back home and has experienced a little more of Australia other than just the drinking culture.
As for what to do about my care in hospital, I am struggling with this. I could see first hand the stress that health workers deal with and I think the major factor is the system in general. Beaurocracy is an insidious beast that hampers the efforts of well meaning people. I don't know how they manage to cope with it all. I could rip into the hospital but I know it's the poor overworked and underpaid workers that will be made the scapegoats of any investigation. Then again, the fact that the toilet that four people had to use was smeared with faeces for a whole day before being insufficiently cleaned is disgraceful. I even saw someone on staff go in there, see the mess and walk back out again. It makes me sick to think how the big wigs are paid generously for pencil pushing while the staff are expected to work for a pittance with insufficient or broken equipment.On the last day in there, for my last round of observations, the temperature probe was broken so mine and the other patients temperatures were not taken or recorded. I reminded the nurse once as I thought it might be an important part of hospital procedure and didn't bother telling her again. Oh well, not my problem I guess
Also, I was pretty much a space cadet
arty: while in hospital and I still am so I don't know how much weight would be placed on my observations anyway.
I will end this with a final thank you to everyone on this forum. Gold is where you find it and I have found a mountain of gold right here. Thank you all.
Malcolm