madtuna
Only owns one toaster
[video=480,360]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzhpiIgjQ4Q[/video]
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Bullion.Forum
Nothing like a good fart joke
- Thread starter madtuna
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Hahahha, love Monty P, a great show ahead of its time.
[video=480,360]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx_G2a2hL6U[/video]
[video=480,360]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx_G2a2hL6U[/video]
madtuna said:
Farts only smell for the benefit of the deaf :8
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[video=480,360]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0Cjo1MWGZg[/video]
Dead give away. Should have done the old sbd.. silelent but deadly.
[video=480,360]https://youtu.be/FXHkFZ-nG4Y[/video]
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20xwater said:
The whistle to let you know the trains on its way :Y: :8
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Wishfull said:
Guessing he was a virgin....... 8.(
Appreciation of good food, or cooking. :Y: :beer:
I do remember, as a 'very' young kid, looking up all the 'dirty' words in the 'kids' dictionary, and 'Fart' was described as....."an explosion between the legs" ! Never forgot it! we were creased up for hours!20xwater said:
[video=480,360]https://youtu.be/Qx6hAQmR1fg[/video]
shakergt
Moderating Team
During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"
The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"
Anolphart
Zol Straub
True story, happened just yesterday, daughter who is 7 months in pup is at the doctors for a glucose blood test and is sitting in the waiting room when a gent wanders in and sits down, within 30 secs he's let one rip, no change in facial expression, no acknowledgement.
This goes on for the next ten minutes with him letting rip every few minutes, daughter was struggling to keep a straight face, glances across the room and a young bloke starts to get the giggles up, she can't help herself and joins in uncontrollably laughing and wets herself. PRICELESS.
:lol: :lol:
This goes on for the next ten minutes with him letting rip every few minutes, daughter was struggling to keep a straight face, glances across the room and a young bloke starts to get the giggles up, she can't help herself and joins in uncontrollably laughing and wets herself. PRICELESS.
:lol: :lol:I don't know if many of you will know what a 'J Pouch' is, but trust me your friends need to be good friends, and they accept it when you say "get out and walk" "better out than in" or "and that's the latest out". Saves you constantly asking to be excused.
shakergt
Moderating Team
??
Do you fart in bed??
If this story doesn't make you cry from laughing so hard, I don't know what will!!
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
-- Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in???
Do you fart in bed??
If this story doesn't make you cry from laughing so hard, I don't know what will!!
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
-- Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in???
