Got to see my girls for first time in 5 weeks! Photos of the day:

I had not seen my girls in 5 weeks and have absolute limited contact, finally yesterday, I drove to Benalla from south-east Melbourne, 200km drive both ways, but it was bloody worth it! I got to see them for a 5 hour visit and gave my oldest girl Cara her presents from her birthday when I couldn't see them Wednesday. It was such a great day and my girls really needed to see me. I want us to be back together as a family, I am doing 2 sets of counselling each week, and to have as much contact with my girls as possible when I can.

It was very obvious how much they had missed me, and since the 'order', how distraught the past few weeks have made them. Yesterday made a massive difference in their life, and I was soo glad to put a smile back onto their face and to let them know that Daddy is still here, and that we ( mummy and daddy ) love them very much always. They also got to see their Nanny yesterday, which they have not been able to see through all of this either.

I hope to one day to give the girls the chance to have their mum and dad together again, and to be a happy family. I grew up in a broken family, and I am still messed up from the damage that caused, and do not wish for my girls to have the same thing.

I don't have many people to share things with, so I thought I'd post it here and show you my visit with my girls yesterday. It was very hard to say goodbye.



I do not wish anything like this to happen to anyone's family, especially how the children get shut off from one of the parents. It is not fair on them, the law states this very clearly as well. But when it comes to an order, there is not much that a respondent can do. It sucks, and I am working on everything I possibly can to fix myself and my family, as I know that I am a great father to my children, my massive involvement with my children in the past, and my biggest issue is gaining the trust of my partner / ex partner back to fix all of this.

If anyone has similar issues / problems or just wants to ask anything about this topic, please go ahead.

great stuff mate , keep your head down and keep working hard , and going to the couselling and hopefully things will get better and right themselves in the long run.

Hi Atom Rat. You are a very lucky man to have 2 beautiful little girls who simply "radiate" their love for you in the pics.
Steady as she goes and it will hopefully all come to a happy ending.

Thanks for the kind words and support guys, it really does mean a lot

Dirtdemon said:

great stuff mate , keep your head down and keep working hard , and going to the couselling and hopefully things will get better and right themselves in the long run.

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It isn't forever and that's the most important thing I have in my head to keep myself sane. Thanks again, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life, and can't even imagine how hard it is for them.

Jaros said:

Hi Atom Rat. You are a very lucky man to have 2 beautiful little girls who simply "radiate" their love for you in the pics.
Steady as she goes and it will hopefully all come to a happy ending.

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They are beautiful and they change in how they act around me instantly, when I first got there, they were arguing with each other and screaming from the past stresses. After 30 minutes being with me and letting them know everything is alright, we had the best day ever and we all had a big smile on our faces with a stress free visit. I just noticed your 'signature' for your profile every time you post, "For every minute you're angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." I'll be holding that one close to me as well, I like that a lot.

Hey AtomRat. Beautiful girls. Cherish those moments man. They grow up too fast. Best of luck getting yourself sorted and your family back together.

Cheers

Ramjet

Thank you for sharing. Very nice photos and you are a very lucky guy.

The only thing I will say is stay positive and keep things positive in your mind and
keep retraining your mind to think this way.

The power of thought in making things happen is amazing.

I do believe you reap what you think.

Hope this helps and makes sense.

Thanks again Ramjet + Wolfau, yes, they grow very quickly in so many ways, it is why I am trying to do the best I can for them, and be there for them. Cheers for the kind words Wolf, the counselling helps and talking to a couple of people about it all too. They had a great day for our visit, and I couldn't have been happier to see them

Hi AtomRat,
thanks for sharing!
You have really beautiful girls !!
I have 5 children and even loving the gold mine I'll really miss my kids when I'm panning.
Only having two beautiful daughters, you are already lucky, think about it, mate!

To borrow a cliche, Take it one day at a time. There will be some rough patches ahead but as the other posters have said. Your girls are worth it. Its not the journey its the destination in this case

Cheers Tone

joao garimpeiro said:

Hi AtomRat,
thanks for sharing!
You have really beautiful girls !!
I have 5 children and even loving the gold mine I'll really miss my kids when I'm panning.
Only having two beautiful daughters, you are already lucky, think about it, mate!

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Thanks mate for your kind words 5 Children, wow!

TenOunce Tone said:

To borrow a cliche, Take it one day at a time. There will be some rough patches ahead but as the other posters have said. Your girls are worth it. Its not the journey its the destination in this case

Cheers Tone

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Yeah, even after the visit, I still have had no contact again with them or their mother.. It is like her family is playing this game with my children, it sucks. I really feel for my girls, and will always make sure they live the happy life they deserve. Thanks Tone, the days that are flying past now without seeing them makes it a very hard destination to get to, but I want it to work out.

Hi AtomRat,

Thank you for sharing your photos and thoughts.
I can only imagine how good that day must have been for you, and how the days that have followed have tested your strength.
I don't have children, but from the joy in your daughters faces, I wish I did.
Stay strong, and put your trust in the love that you have for your family.

TT

Thats awsome mate and happy for you
I can only imagine how good that feels ey.

Dont let this happen to you...

16 years ago i had a son and still my only child. when he was about 12 months old i had a got full of his unstable/untrustable mother so i went walkabout, but for to long and didnt contact. then she moved and that was that. i can tell you that there is no getting use to the absense of a child ey!! a few months ago i actually found him on facebook and got to communicate for the first time, that moment was the first time i actually felt happy in 16 years. it didnt last long because his mother found out we had contact and his account was deleted.

Ever since then ive gone completely gold crazy and just smash ground nearly everyday...gold is my councilor...gold is the best thing ive experienced in life...gold is everything mate and the best counciling ive ever got!

Gold prospecting is a form of meditation I think.

Best thing is getting the kids hooked as well and they start bugging you to go out seeking the yellow.

20xwater said:

Thats awsome mate and happy for you
I can only imagine how good that feels ey.

Dont let this happen to you...

16 years ago i had a son and still my only child. when he was about 12 months old i had a got full of his unstable/untrustable mother so i went walkabout, but for to long and didnt contact. then she moved and that was that. i can tell you that there is no getting use to the absense of a child ey!! a few months ago i actually found him on facebook and got to communicate for the first time, that moment was the first time i actually felt happy in 16 years. it didnt last long because his mother found out we had contact and his account was deleted.

Ever since then ive gone completely gold crazy and just smash ground nearly everyday...gold is my councilor...gold is the best thing ive experienced in life...gold is everything mate and the best counciling ive ever got!

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It is horrible that men are considered to be able to get over situations like these as if we don't care, it has affected me to an extreme amount and also you too. Finding him on Facebook would have been great and I recon in time he will start looking for you and she wont be able to stop that, I wish you the best of luck there mate, and you will also have an extra digging hand on the field

My hardest challenge for me is to gain the trust back off my partner, we are having a little bit more of contact with each other now, I just hope that she gives me the time to make changes, I could not bare to think of another bloke stealing my role as a father, and that would send me to the loopy home.

I am trying my absolute hardest to do what I can, counselling - 2 sets of it a week, cleaning up the house and my act, and keeping in contact as much as I possibly can with the 'ex' and my children. It is very hard when her family are sitting there playing a game and telling her to not talk to me and not let the children talk to me. I know that by the current laws, it is of utmost importance that the children stay in contact with their father, no matter what, but they would rather blame everything from me and are trying their best to shut me out of my family who now live 3 hours from me.

I have been told many stories about how things have happened to blokes and their children and the system is not fair at all. Keep him close to your heart mate as you are close to his and always will be. I have never had the chance to know my own father but after 30 years I am now starting to talk to him more.

Hang in there mate, I am sure you will work things out in the near future.

Redmanti said:

Gold prospecting is a form of meditation I think.

Best thing is getting the kids hooked as well and they start bugging you to go out seeking the yellow.

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I say that it is great meditation as well, nothing takes your mind off things more than seeing some nice color I used to take the girls down there when I could, it was great to do it even though they were that bit young.

TTKooAu said:

Hi AtomRat,

Thank you for sharing your photos and thoughts.
I can only imagine how good that day must have been for you, and how the days that have followed have tested your strength.
I don't have children, but from the joy in your daughters faces, I wish I did.
Stay strong, and put your trust in the love that you have for your family.

TT

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Thanks mate, I am fighting as much as I can with my heart for the girls and for our relationship. We deserve to be a happy family

thnaks mate, some words i thought you might find interesting and helpful with what your trying to do....

it is impossible to change yourself, but its more than possible to change your choices, changing choices changes your life!

EVERYTHING is a choice...choose carefully mate

Cheers mate 20xwater, I take any positive slogan and hold it close

Well, I thought that things were working out well, I thought that I was really doing hard work so my girls would have their father. It turns out that their mother did not share those same feelings and jumped on board with another bloke many weeks ago and it was my 5 year old daughter that told me all of this. My ex did not even have the balls to tell me she had moved on. She recons she has not replaced me...

She is seeing her sisters partners brother, so they have all been lying to me about everything the whole time and also getting my daughter to lie about the situation as well. I really feel for my daughters as they have been dragged into all of this with no choice, and I feel like there is not a thing I can do about it either, it has absolutely destroyed me.

There was also a mention that my ex had rang the police last night, and also went to a solicitor to fill out her custody papers, but I will be doing everything to fight all of that for my children. It seems to be more a game to them, and they are using my children as the board pieces to jump them around and not care for them correctly.

I have no way to express what sadness and hurt I am feeling. It all makes sense now though, the games, the lies, it is just not fair what my daughters have been through, and over something that my oldest daughter told me the other day, I nearly called up child protection on my ex's new partner. I've made it absolutely clear that he is not to play any games like tickling or wrestling where he is putting his hands onto my children.

I'm ********* when it comes to do with the law, I don't know how or what I can do, but my ex and her family have me wrapped around their little finger and there is nothing I can do about it at all. I was served an intervention order because I was protecting my daughters from their mother who finds things hard to do and deal with because she has a minor mental illness. She was and still is yelling, grabbing and not feeding my girls correctly at all.

The order stops me from being able to do any of the things that I could legally try, so I have to clear that first before making any moves of my own. Which is something I cannot speed up at all.

I dont know, my poor daughters. They are so happy around me, but so miserable around their mother. Once my order is gone, I will be fighting for my own custody, always for my 2 girls.

It must hurt them so much that they were removed from their house and put straight into a new place with another bloke who sleeps in the same bedroom as their mother. They even kiss in front of the kids.

I dont know guys, had to let off a little steam again, my head and heart have been completely broken and am really struggling to find some bit of sanity left in me for my girls, but its the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with. It hurts so much to know that my girls have been put through this by their mother as well. They have such limited contact with me.

Keep it simple mate. Do meditation. If that does not give voice to your intentions then apply to the courts and if unable to get suitable representation, represent yourself. That process will take the better part of a year if the other side is unwilling. Don't waste time on excuses, and go it alone if you have to. I'm saying this from what I have been through. Blame, self pity, police, family drama should all take a back seat to a straight line journey to court enforceable rights for the kids. Period. Take heart mate if there ever was a good time to be the father seperated from his children it's now. The courts are more balanced than ever, the process is simpler, and contact with your kids technologically possible no matter distance and time. Get some counseling from someone seperate to the situation, look after your mind and body and stay focused. You don't get thetime back, your children deserve your best effort. Good luck is a difficult path to tread.

Thanks for your kind words Goldtarget, I have been doing counselling, 2 different ones each week. I'll do my best mate, I need to have some control of the situation as they have always been several steps ahead the whole time. I have a lot of work to do with all of this, and Ill be doing the hard yards to make it happen. I won't let her win custody, I will be going against that as much as I can. There are so many things against me at the moment though that make some steps impossible to even start. If I didn't have this order on me, things would be much different. I need to get my side of the story across to someone legal as I thought I was doing the right thing by not stressing the mother out with court, but all I have done is hurt myself. I plan on fixing and doing what I can before its too late, my children don't deserve what they have been put through, or what they are going through. I did everything for my girls before, now Ill be fighting again for them.

Things have to be pretty out of control to not take the path I have highlighted, but you don't have to go into it. Call relationships australia mate I'm sure they've seen it all, they should point you in the right direction. Better if you can go in your enquiry will be taken seriously. Counseling lead meditation is the best alternative, problem with solicitors is when the money isn't forthcoming from one side or both the process stalls dead in the water. You need that certificate issued that mediation has been attempted to get a court date. It will be around 1k to represent yourself. Google SRL terms (self represented litigant) and you'll see how simple this really is, process wise I mean. Do it on your time line, not others. Put the pen to paper with the information you need and have, be professional on the day stick to the facts and present what you intend for the children, any one with a suitable iq can do this. The family court just wants the facts and to serve the best interests of the children. In the end if it gets there your at the mercy of what they decide from the facts not what you want, the children will be put first. It's no nonsense stage come that end of the path. I'll let you take it from here, as I said I've done this separation with children involved the sooner the new normal comes along the better the outcome for all involved. Basically it boils down to this if things are good (like my first three years after seperated) get a court order. If things are bad (most years and months since) get a court order. Best if it's something you two parents can agree on and grows with the children's needs but in black and white all the same. This is merely advice mate, take it or leave it, I just wish I had some proper guidance when it happened to me.