This is great and you may have seen it elsewhere -- Author not known
We pensioned off the old blue dog
when old age got him down.
We sent him in, for company
to Grandma, in the town.
But, while Granny was elated,
he still craved the great out doors,
and would roam the town exploring,
while old granny did the chores.
So it was this Sunday morning
Blue was fossicking about
through the paddocks near the township
on his normal daily scout.
When a canine 'gourmet odour'
overpowered his sense of smell.
Though his eyesight had diminished,
his old sniffer still worked well.
And the source of his excitement
was reposed down by the creek,
where a sheep had met his maker,
for the best part of a week.
For its woolly corpse was spreading,
and the air was far from fresh
from this rancid flyblown carcass,
with its seething greenish flesh.
It was a dogs idea of heaven,
and old Blue, he rubbed and rolled,
till he ponged just like the sheep did,
and with ecstasy extolled.
Then an idea formed within him
as he gave a gentle tug,
and he found the carcass followed
like a matted lumpy rug.
He would take it home for later!
it should last a week or two
if he stored it in his kennel,
he could keep his prize from view!
So he gripped the carcass firmly.
Bravely into town he went,
but his load proved fairly heavy,
and Blue's energy soon spent.
And the only shade on offer
was the building with the bell,
and he dragged his prize towards it
with its flies and feral smell.
Then dog and sheep both rested
in the front porch of the church.
Old Blue looked up the gangway
at the parson on his perch.
He was revving up the faithful
to repent to save their worth,
and said: "Satan is the culprit
for the rotten things on earth."
And he roared of fire and brimstone
and redemption for the throng!
Up the aisle came 'Satan's presence',
in this godforsaken pong.
And they all cried Hallelujah
and they fell as one to pray,
but by now old Blue was rested
and he hadnt time to stay.
He proceeded up the roadway
with the woolly corpse in tow,
with a shortcut through the Nursing Home
the quickest way to go!
Where the matron, in a panic
counted heads in mortal fright,
with a smell like that theyd surely lost
a patient through the night!
And the members at the bowls club
lowered all their flags half mast,
doffed hats in reverend silence,
for the 'funeral' going past.
Blue lugged his prize on homewards
traveling past the bowling club,
till he took a breather under
the verandah of the pub.
There, old boozing Bill was resting,
sleeping off the night before,
to await the Sunday session,
when they opened up the door.
When the stench that woke his slumber
was so highly on the nose,
that he thought his pickled body
had begun to decompose.
So he missed the Sunday session,
and ran straight home to his wife,
to proclaim the shock announcement
"he was off the booze for life!"
Meanwhile Blue could see Grans gateway
at the far end of the street,
so he started up the pavement
with his ripe and tasty treat.
But there was movement in the backstreets
as the town dogs sniffed in deep.
They broke chains and climbed high fences
for a piece of Blues dead sheep.
And Blue felt the road vibrating
from the stamp of canine feet,
as this pack of thirty mongrels
came advancing up the street.
But he wasnt into sharing,
so he sought a quick escape,
and he spied a nearby building
with a door that stood agape.
Through this door he sought asylum
but his presence caused a shriek,
for he chose the local Deli
that was run by Nick the Greek.
Then Blue shot beneath a table
where the sheep and he could hide,
but the dog pack was relentless
and they followed him inside.
Now the table Blue had chosen
was indeed a big mistake,
with the law enforcement sergeant
sipping coffee on his break.
And the sergeant sat bolt upright
with a dog between his feet
and his eyes began to water
from the stench of rotting meat.
Then the Sarge leapt up in horror
but in his haste he slipped and fell,
falling down amongst Blues mutton
with its all embracing smell.
While he lay somewhat bewildered
in the gore, flat on his back,
then the mongrel pack descended,
in a frenzied dog attack.
With thoughts self-protection
from the rows of teeth he faced,
the Sarge fumbled for his pistol,
in its holster at his waist.
There were muffled bangs and yelping,
as random shots rang out,
and the whine of bouncing bullets
off the brickwork all about.
As he blasted in a panic
from beneath the blood and gore,
a front window and the drink fridge
were both added to the score.
And the cappuccino maker
copped a mortal wound and died.
Hissing steam, it levitated,
falling frothing on its side.
And Nick the Greek, the owner,
grabbed a shotgun in his fright,
blasting into the confusion
of the frantic canine fight.
At short range it wasnt pretty.
Dogs were plastered on the wall.
There was Laminex in splinters,
clouds of dog hair covered all.
Then the smoke detector whistled
with the gun-smoke in the air,
which tripped the sprinkler system,
and a siren gave a blare.
And the echoes still were ringing
when beneath the dying heap
there emerged old Blue, still dragging
at the remnants of his sheep.
Its head was gone, and several legs
but still retained its smell.
In the armistice that followed,
Blue decided not to dwell.
He leapt the fence at Grandmas,
for his feet had sprouted wings.
Pure adrenaline propelled him,
fleeing dogs and guns and things.
Now, Gran had influenza,
and had lost her sense of smell.
With Blues sheep out in the garden,
that was prob'ly just as well!
And she looked out from her front fence
at the town in disarray.
At the ambulance, police cars
and the R.S.P.C.A.
Then the fire brigade rushed past her,
flashing lights of rosy hue,
and she hugged the old dog tightly.
Hed protect her, would old Blue!
"You just stay here like a good dog!"
Grandma told him with a frown,
cause youve no idea the trouble
you can get in, in the town!
Rob P.