"I told my wife the truth. I told her I've been seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she's been seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender." US comedian-actor Rodney Dangerfield
"Tell people there is an invisible man in the sky who created the whole universe and people will believe it. Tell people the paint is wet and they will touch it to check if that is true."
George Carlin