Advice needed....Depression in young man

Prospecting Australia

Help Support Prospecting Australia:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
L

LC76

Joined
Aug 20, 2014
Messages
968
Reaction score
1,674
Location
Bendigo, VIC
Hey everyone.

So my ex-wife pops in tonight and has a chat with me about our eldest son.
Not the first chat about this subject but one of many.

My 18 year old boy who lives with his mum is suffering with depression.
He doesn't know where he belongs in the world and nothing inspires him and he is starting to show aggression towards his girlfriend.

I have tried to talk with him but nothing meaningful comes out of my mouth.
I would love to get him involved in the army reserves perhaps and have suggested to him and his mum that i want to put him on the "Young Endeavour" http://www.youngendeavour.gov.au/

Even trying to find some sort of volunteer group that he could join and maybe gain some perspective.

My reasoning for these ideas is that young boys these days dont have a manhood ritual/initiation to go through any more and a lot of the young lads now are very lost and lack any sort of guidance.

Problem is my Ex thinks that he is too fragile for any of my ideas and basically ties my hands behind my back.......I dont know how to help my son. :(
The Ex also thinks putting him on medication is the answer but i dont agree....yet.

Any ideas?
 
Sorry to hear that mate. Not sure what the answer is but I have a friend whos son is about the same age and going through the same thing. He lives his life on Facebook.

Anyway they got him out here over the holidays and stuck him with me for a 2 week Facebook detox. I worked the crap out of him for the 2 weeks solid, pulling bores, dropping ferals and taught him detecting.

Sent him back worn out but a different kid. He's deleted his Facebook and last week got himself an apprenticeship as a sparkie.
 
Hi LC,

We could see our son getting lost and depressed after leaving school. We suggested the Army and he liked that idea as I was in the RAAF for 21 years. He joined and although the recruit training was hard and a trial to adjust to military doctrine he soon learnt to fit in to their way of thinking. He has now been in for three and a half years and settled into his role in the Army quite well. He now rents a unit in Brisbane with his lovely girlfriend and has numerous friends colleagues in the Army and civilian world. He has a nice 4x4 as he is on a good permanent wage and has travelled more and even got a trip to Hawaii.

There is several corps to look at as not everyone wants to be in the infantry. Our young fellow went for the Geo Spatial area where you make maps on computers for the other corps.

Not that I know anything of your sons background etc but I would think that medication would have to be the last resort.

My wife thinks that maybe he might need to go into the animal care or maybe the Greencorps or Landcare. My wife does suffer depression and finds that these areas help her.

I hope that you get some good advise from the other forum members. The one thing that I have found is not to push them too far as that might have the opposite effect. The ex may need to be more sympathetic to all ideas as well.

Cheers

Doug and Carol
 
Another plus one for the Army.
I joined at 17, and came.from a small coastal town, mainly retirees,didn't have many mates my age, so yeah, that sorted me out at the time.
I was lost at the time to.
Also, maybe volenteer with the RSPCA or similar
 
Thanks for the replys everyone.

My boy is seeing a counselor but in my opinion it's making it worse by bringing issues to the surface and not teaching him how to deal with those issues.

If he is anything like me then he will need to feel like he has a purpose.
I love the idea of volunteering for RSPCA and think his mum might actually go for that one.

I think Army would do him some good too but the ex has stopped any discussion about that.
 
Hard work, get off social media, find something he does enjoy and run with it.

Agree with the professional help too. Medication - I hate meds but sometimes it is exactly what's needed and can create a good outcome.

Not sure if this applies to your son but dope is one of the major causes of mental illness in young men. Had several mates that lost the plot just from basic old marijuana.

The girlfriend aggression thing - will probably only be dealt with effectively by you. (I have re-written this several times in an attempt to not offend you - that certainly isn't my purpose. I just know that if it were my sons they probably wouldn't listen to Drs or my wife or whatever - they would not have an option but to listen to me. We all need to not tolerate that behavior).

Hope it all works out best for you and your family :Y:
 
Another vote for seek professional help. Unfortunately sometimes medication is the only answer. but it is better to be on the mental health radar and not need help from medication than to be outside the system and in need of help quickly.
 
Yep, this is a common thing with a lot of young folks, you could load up your truck and try just picking him up in the truck one night and say nothing just go right out in the bush camping and detecting and that might bring him round when he starts finding some nuggets etc, sounds like he needs to stumble across excitement naturally,

If you can get him to start to open up Don't ask questions because he most likely gets that at home,, This is about him and how he feels, NOT" About you or your EX getting Answers to questions, So Keep it Fun and light hearted and let him do the talking, Just listen, and reply or comment as needed, He needs someone to listen not boss him about or give him orders, In some cases the military does work but not in a lot of cases, If he is the wrong type of Kid then All that will do is move the problem to another part of the country moving him away from where he feels safe and the people he Loves, and being in a situation like that will sky rocket his problems, So don't go shipping him off like a piece of lost freight.

Things have changed since we were kids and parents need to open their ears not their mouth, and in some cases they don't need you as a friend because they have heaps of friends at school, college and on FB and what ever else they're in to.

Before you do anything get your EX to come round and find out as much as you can about what he is in to, and if the Lad starts to talk about his interests listen and ask dumb questions about as if you know nothing about it and just listen say nothing and when he stops talking ask another question and let him talk again, and you listen again, The Goal here is to get him talking, nothing else matters at this point and the rest will come later, But you need to make your meetings fun and on neutral territory. this could take weeks or months, Again no disrespect but this is not about the grown ups getting answers, So tread lightly and make it fun,

Good luck,

John.
 
Northeast said:
The girlfriend aggression thing - will probably only be dealt with effectively by you. (I have re-written this several times in an attempt to not offend you - that certainly isn't my purpose. I just know that if it were my sons they probably wouldn't listen to Drs or my wife or whatever - they would not have an option but to listen to me. We all need to not tolerate that behavior).

Hope it all works out best for you and your family :Y:
Click to expand...
No offense taken I'm looking for advice no matter how confronting it might be to me.

And knew this community would give it to me straight.

I haven't personally witnessed my boy being aggressive to anyone male or female.
And was actually pretty surprised to hear it.
But just going by what my ex has mentioned.
I want to nip that behavior in the bud before it turns into something worse.
 
LC, as I pointed out, You need to gain his trust and become "His" safe place, It is plain to see that you are very neutral when it comes to your involvement with him as in "No Pressure" so keep that going and become his escape, His aggression is a cry for help only he can't put it in to words and that is the end result.

Give it a go for a couple of months and see how it pans out and if he does not start to open up then talk to doctors about getting professional help but don't force that on him just yet, and as for help via drugs/medication then that must only come as a very last resort and not before, Trouble is he is 18 so as parents we have very limited rights as in what happens once the professionals get involved which is why I say about the softly softly approach as in my other post,

copy and paste this thread and email it to your self, and use the PM system, ok.

we're here for ya mate, :Y:
 
When i was that age i was depressed , i didnt know it i just felt like the world was against me .

Any help from family or friends just made me crankier and i had my self in a volitile state and took everything personally.
So if something broke while i was using it i would basically take it as a personal attack on me and usually i would destroy the said item in a frothing fit of rage.

A change of surroundings and structure and purpose to the day is definitely a great step in the right direction.

Helping without making it obvious is key in my opinion along with the counseling etc,

so maybe a unorganised road trip together to look at something cool like a car show or a strip show or something unexpected , basically just say you need a hand for a day and pick him up , head off , a few counter meals , watch the show and then camp with some beers and talk openly about how you were a little bugger at that age and the wild things you have done , and tell him not to over think life , as it all works out as long as you dont do anything you will regret down the track.
Dont try too hard , just talk like he is a mate not family , swear , talk sex , fart , show him nobody's perfect.

Its not an ideal plan but relax and think outside the box , like a helicopter ride or going to help the homeless . something he wouldnt picture you doing even say while your travelling , well i always wanted to try it. Get far enough out of town before you tell him to much .

I probably havent helped in your case , but if he seems more agro when people try and help maybe this is worth a try.

Good luck :) , its all to common these days and yes i think social media has amped it up.
 
Geez LC this is a tough one. Those suffering depression have a hard time accepting advice. The words of those above sound pretty good to me but every situation is different. My eldest is an ANGRY young man and it is hard to find the best path forward. Good male role models... I like the discipline of the military but it's not for everyone. As a bloke who is fighting the black dog, I know how harsh the battle can be. Best of luck to you and you're boy.
 
My youngest fella is seeing a counselor, but I go in with him. He was thinking that the counselor wasn't helping him much at all.... so... I asked the counselor if he could give him a mental tool kit to help him deal with things that he needs help with ,.... well ya shoulda seen that counselor bump into action once he knew what we required. They have all the knowledge, but need to understand what's required of them in the way of help. Glad I was there to help steer everything the right way.
I did offer to leave the room at one stage because I know I'm looked on as part of the problem, but the young fella asked that I stay because of that exact reason. Amazing how old a young person can be at times.
Anyway.... fill the toolbelt for the brain with as many tools as available any way possible ,... there are times when the knowledge is not within the family and needs to be outsourced LC
:Y:
 
One thing about depression. Who ever decides to help, or ask questions, will need to initiate any communications. Its all well and good to say I'm here, talk to me, they won't.
You NEED to initiate every conversation, every time.
And if you get the "its OK, I'm fine " response, if you don't buy it, try again soon after.
Sometimes they will say things that will hurt, or try to distance them selves (I know this cause I've suffered the black dog, still do at times) so follow it up.
Reassure them they will come good.
The biggest thing is, if they come out of depression, they might be so used to being depressed, that they don't realise they are better.
Someone mentioned a "sense of purpose" that is so true. Also having something that relies on them is really good.
A dog is good thing. It relies on its owner and the owner can't let it down.
 

Similar threads

driftingS13
new prospector, old detector, sd2100, any advice appriciated
Replies
13
Views
2K
lazypat
L
RM Outback
True Champions
Replies
18
Views
2K
Ridge Runner
R
T
The people you meet detecting
Replies
1
Views
1K
RM Outback
RM Outback
Moneybox
How good are our fancy new metal detectors?
4 5 6
Replies
103
Views
24K
Moneybox
Moneybox
B
1850's Bendigo Diggings - Gold carts and highwaymen
Replies
4
Views
2K
user 4386
U

Latest posts

Top