20 years with my wife

[Jemba]

20 years with my wife

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

 

[Ramjet]

 

[RM Outback]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :Y:

 

[Jaros]

] :Y:

 

[Jemba]

Yep it is a good one hey. :Y:

 

[xcvator]

The ice is much too thin for me to make a comment

 

[Jemba]

 

[RM Outback]

They say you get less for murder :lol: I don't condone any violence though.

 

[NeilM]

geez I ve done 35 hard labour
What did i do

(please don't tell me she is looking over my shoulder) :brokenh:

 

[ken2m]

geez I ve done 35 hard labour
What did i do

(please don't tell me she is looking over my shoulder) :brokenh:

She is always looking over your shoulder. Ken.

 

[DrDuck]

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity:
looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long?
Hit the damn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," says his partner.
"You'll never hit her from here."

 

[DrDuck]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

 

[DrDuck]

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

 

[DrDuck]

We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.
My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said its a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cannt overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have sex with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her panties off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "Im glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"

Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!

 

[DrDuck]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
Youll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
Ive been trying to do that for years!

 

[DrDuck]

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best ******** I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last ******** of my entire life."

 

[DrDuck]

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags.
"Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags.
"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"

 

[DrDuck]

Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.

 

[silver]

Your on a roll Dr !
:Y: arty: :Y:

 

[DrDuck]

My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure Id be up to some action in the bedroom again.

I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.