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Precious Material Discovered Becomes The New Gold Standard.
A new precious material has been discovered, which world markets will soon use to replace the old Gold standard. All trading will cease while governments worldwide agree on the new materials equivalent value to 1 troy ounce of gold.
Initially named Unobtainium due to its scarcity, authorities have agreed due to copyright issues that this name must not be used, as it was originally the name of a material being mined in a Hollywood science fiction movie.
After much consideration and consultation, the world consensus is that the newly discovered precious material will be known officially as Toilet Paper.
Prior to the discovery of its true worth, human interaction with the material was via nugget like occurrences known as Rolls. These rolls were originally discovered around the mid to late 1800s, and were for a while only available to those who could afford the latest technology, known as a toilet, where other types of shedding often occurred and Toilet Paper was most often found to be associated with nuggets of brown Scheiss.
By the middle of last century, rolls were seen to appear in retail precincts throughout the western world, often in association with other deposits known as Luxuries.
By the latter part of the 20th century rich veins of toilet rolls were found to be occurring in long bands between host material of stainless steel, in usually North-South or East-West orientated fields known as Aisles. More recently a new rush has occurred which seems to defy reason. Whereas past generations only ever Rushed local deposits by foot for immediate use, the new rush is bringing new chums from far afield via bus and car, all hoping to try their luck at finding a missed vein or previously unknown deposit.
One unfortunate only just recently tried to jump a claim of the new material that was being stored/hoarded in the owners outhouse. While the trespasser was trying to remove it, the owner who had been awakened by the noise of his outhouse door being forced open, sneaked outside with his rusting gold prospecting pick that was of no use to him anymore, and took a swipe at the intruder as he was about to leave the outhouse. The would-be thief fell backwards, and was so scared by just narrowly avoiding being impaled, that he found an immediate need for the material that he was about to steal.
More updates on the new rush will be brought to you in the future as events unfold.
I remain, your Obedient Servant,
-DeepSeeker
PA Times Correspondent.
A new precious material has been discovered, which world markets will soon use to replace the old Gold standard. All trading will cease while governments worldwide agree on the new materials equivalent value to 1 troy ounce of gold.
Initially named Unobtainium due to its scarcity, authorities have agreed due to copyright issues that this name must not be used, as it was originally the name of a material being mined in a Hollywood science fiction movie.
After much consideration and consultation, the world consensus is that the newly discovered precious material will be known officially as Toilet Paper.
Prior to the discovery of its true worth, human interaction with the material was via nugget like occurrences known as Rolls. These rolls were originally discovered around the mid to late 1800s, and were for a while only available to those who could afford the latest technology, known as a toilet, where other types of shedding often occurred and Toilet Paper was most often found to be associated with nuggets of brown Scheiss.
By the middle of last century, rolls were seen to appear in retail precincts throughout the western world, often in association with other deposits known as Luxuries.
By the latter part of the 20th century rich veins of toilet rolls were found to be occurring in long bands between host material of stainless steel, in usually North-South or East-West orientated fields known as Aisles. More recently a new rush has occurred which seems to defy reason. Whereas past generations only ever Rushed local deposits by foot for immediate use, the new rush is bringing new chums from far afield via bus and car, all hoping to try their luck at finding a missed vein or previously unknown deposit.
One unfortunate only just recently tried to jump a claim of the new material that was being stored/hoarded in the owners outhouse. While the trespasser was trying to remove it, the owner who had been awakened by the noise of his outhouse door being forced open, sneaked outside with his rusting gold prospecting pick that was of no use to him anymore, and took a swipe at the intruder as he was about to leave the outhouse. The would-be thief fell backwards, and was so scared by just narrowly avoiding being impaled, that he found an immediate need for the material that he was about to steal.
More updates on the new rush will be brought to you in the future as events unfold.
I remain, your Obedient Servant,
-DeepSeeker
PA Times Correspondent.
