Chiron52
Dave
Yes, I hate spiders. All of them. Big, small, black, brown, climbers, web slingers, hole diggers or other. My world would be a happier place if they all suddenly curled up and pffft.
Snakes don't bother me much. As a kid I spent a lot of time out in the bush and saw plenty of snakes (mostly blacks). I guess I just got used to snakes but we didn't see too many spiders.
Now as a grown up Aussie bloke my missus expects me to remove any spiders she finds from the house without any fuss. BUT being as I'm afraid of spiders, I usually just act like a tough guy and remove the little darlings (after a suitable number of wacks with a broom/hammer/shovel/pick crowbar, etc.)
Now about 11PM last night, the missus was in bed and I was lying on the couch reading, when from the corner of my eye a HUGE spider scampered out from under the couch and disappeared beneath the entertainment unit.
My reaction was to dive into the kitchen for the can of Mortein. I sprayed under the unit and he popped out from beside my computer desk. Another jet of Mortein and he scuttled back under the desk. My heart was pounding and my brow was wet with sweat.
I was literally having kittens as I emptied a full can of Mortein in, around, over, under and through all our living room furniture.
Next step - spend the next hour or so standing in the center of the room, turning around in circles in case the monster was creeping up behind me, while I hoped or dreaded he would show his ugly mug again. But unfortunately it was not to be and searches, with the most powerful flashlight ever devised by man, failed to disclose the evil creatures hiding place.
Yea, yea, I can hear some of you saying it was only a huntsman but this thing was so big I could have hidden my gold pan beneath it. And FANGS, they were as big as knife blades and they were dripping copious amounts of venom. And his EYES, you could read the hatred and loathing in them and I just new he wanted me dead.
I spoke to my brother on the phone this afternoon and he thinks I will one day find a tiny little dried up husk that used to be my nemesis.
That may be but all day today, I keep imagining something moving at the corner of my eye but when I look there is nothing there. Every itch and I think that devil is climbing on me, all set to bite deep and inject his deadly venom into my bloodstream.
I sit here at my computer desk like a quivering bowl of jelly not knowing if the monster is only inches away in shadow, glaring at me and planning some awful act of vengeance on the bastard that sprayed that smelly spray on him last night.
I watched a doco the other night where a family of meerkats were chowing on some big tarantulas. I wonder if I could rent some (meerkats not spiders) from the zoo?
Please excuse any spelling mistakes as my dictionary is on the shelf above my desk and I can't bring myself to reach for it in case IT might be hiding there.
Oh yes, that reminds me - I need to purchase a new can of Mortein, I emptied the other one last night.
Snakes don't bother me much. As a kid I spent a lot of time out in the bush and saw plenty of snakes (mostly blacks). I guess I just got used to snakes but we didn't see too many spiders.
Now as a grown up Aussie bloke my missus expects me to remove any spiders she finds from the house without any fuss. BUT being as I'm afraid of spiders, I usually just act like a tough guy and remove the little darlings (after a suitable number of wacks with a broom/hammer/shovel/pick crowbar, etc.)
Now about 11PM last night, the missus was in bed and I was lying on the couch reading, when from the corner of my eye a HUGE spider scampered out from under the couch and disappeared beneath the entertainment unit.
My reaction was to dive into the kitchen for the can of Mortein. I sprayed under the unit and he popped out from beside my computer desk. Another jet of Mortein and he scuttled back under the desk. My heart was pounding and my brow was wet with sweat.
I was literally having kittens as I emptied a full can of Mortein in, around, over, under and through all our living room furniture.
Next step - spend the next hour or so standing in the center of the room, turning around in circles in case the monster was creeping up behind me, while I hoped or dreaded he would show his ugly mug again. But unfortunately it was not to be and searches, with the most powerful flashlight ever devised by man, failed to disclose the evil creatures hiding place.
Yea, yea, I can hear some of you saying it was only a huntsman but this thing was so big I could have hidden my gold pan beneath it. And FANGS, they were as big as knife blades and they were dripping copious amounts of venom. And his EYES, you could read the hatred and loathing in them and I just new he wanted me dead.
I spoke to my brother on the phone this afternoon and he thinks I will one day find a tiny little dried up husk that used to be my nemesis.
That may be but all day today, I keep imagining something moving at the corner of my eye but when I look there is nothing there. Every itch and I think that devil is climbing on me, all set to bite deep and inject his deadly venom into my bloodstream.
I sit here at my computer desk like a quivering bowl of jelly not knowing if the monster is only inches away in shadow, glaring at me and planning some awful act of vengeance on the bastard that sprayed that smelly spray on him last night.
I watched a doco the other night where a family of meerkats were chowing on some big tarantulas. I wonder if I could rent some (meerkats not spiders) from the zoo?
Please excuse any spelling mistakes as my dictionary is on the shelf above my desk and I can't bring myself to reach for it in case IT might be hiding there.
Oh yes, that reminds me - I need to purchase a new can of Mortein, I emptied the other one last night.
